Wednesday, June 10, 2020

Strike A Pose, There's Nothing To It

Well he showed us! No sooner did hashtag BunkerBitch get smeared all over the internet than President Trump himself stood erect brandishing a Holy Bible in front of an authentic place of worship, proving that he is in fact fearless--fearless!--in the face of immolation by thunderbolt.

The scene was widely regarded as either a stunt or God's Word made flesh in the form of Donald Trump, depending on your news source. A large number of people were, however, offended, and even more were taken aback by the use of tear gas and rubber bullets to clear peaceful protestors from the president's path, or to make straight in the desert a highway for our God, depending on...well. Same thing.

A reporter asked the president if the bible he was holding was his own. Oh c'mon. Of course it isn't his bible! Even I, as a miniature Lutheran, had my own bible stamped with my name in gold letters. You know the president couldn't have passed that up. He'd have a bible with TRUMP all over the front with the living hell gilt out of it. And if you opened it up, you'd find all the pages of Song of Solomon stuck together.

What really disturbs me is the number of folks, including Joe Biden, who suggested the president open the book once in a while "because he might learn something." Holy shit, people. What are you thinking?

What the heck do we think he'd learn? You think peace and love are going to waft out of it? There's war. There's rape. Execution. Incest. Child murder.

You think he's just going to somehow trip over the verse in Numbers where the Lord instructs us to give six sanctuary cities to the refugees? Highly unlikely. Even if he starts at the beginning and tries to work his way through he's not going to be able to get past the chapter where Lot's two daughters bed him, one right after the other.

The trouble with earnest liberals everywhere is they assume the bible is basically Jesus' Sermon On The Mount with a lot of filler on both sides. It's not. And there's no assurance he'd learn from it anyway. Donald Trump's random bible could easily pop open to Matthew: "I have not come to bring peace, but a sword." Sword! Heh heh. You should see my sword. I guarantee you, there's no problem.

Or Acts: "And suddenly there came a sound like a mighty rushing wind...and divided tongues as of fire...rested on each one of them. And they were filled with the Holy Spirit." Sounds like God's Tear Gas to me.

Or Galatians: "Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God." Hey. In the clear. I don't drink. Besides I already inherited a nice chunk from my father who art in real estate.

Or John: "You are of your father the devil, and your will is to do your father's desires. He has nothing to do with the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks out of his own character, for he is a liar and the father of lies." Like I always said. I'm a product of superior genes.

Keep the dang book closed. It's just like the internet: you can "learn" whatever you want to from it. God should sue us for slander for suggesting the thing is His Word.

34 comments:

  1. I think that religion in general is responsible for a lot of what is wrong in the world. There are people who use their religion to justify the atrocities they perpetrate -- which they would do anyway, but hey, they have Old Testament Yahweh behind them on this! Then there are the people who actually believe all this shit. And they are WAY more dangerous than the former group. These are the people who are actually trying to bring about the end times so that they can be raptured on up into heaven.

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    1. Do you know if when someone is raptured, are their clothes expected to go with them, or are they left behind like a heap of laundry? What about your purse or if you happen to be carrying groceries -- do they go up too or fall in a pile?

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    2. Ooooo... that would be an interesting question to ask them if one ever happens upon one of these people and they mention the rapture. Of course, one must do it with a totally deadpan delivery, otherwise they will know that they are being mocked and clam up. (That is, after condescendingly telling you that they will pray for you.) Also... what if they are in the process of driving a car? Will the car just careen off the interstate and crash into stuff? Will they bodily lift off into the stratosphere or will they disappear in a poof? If the former, what if they are inside? Will they just bump against the ceiling because of dumb luck? And do we all get dibs on their leftover stuff, or does that disappear also? So many unanswered questions! Surprising from a bunch of people who seem to have all the answers.

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    3. That's always been the classic question: "When you go, can I have your car?" I'd ask, but I don't know anyone who believes in it. I do know there are LOTS of people praying for my soul.

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    4. I remember years ago jokingly asking a neighbour if I could have her flat when she dies because she has a bathtub and a gas cooker while I have only a shower and an electric cooker.

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    5. I've seen bumper stickers that say something to the effect, "CAUTION: In case of rapture, this car will be driverless." With some of us drivers, it would be an improvement.

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    6. You got that right, the religious right that is, who are mostly responsible for voting in this mess of a prez. The upside down bible he held tells you where he's coming from- he would even destroy THAT...

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  2. I think I'll re-read Richard Dawkins The God Delusion. “The God of the Old Testament is arguably the most unpleasant character in all fiction: jealous and proud of it; a petty, unjust, unforgiving control-freak; a vindictive, bloodthirsty ethnic cleanser; a misogynistic, homophobic, racist, infanticidal, genocidal, filicidal, pestilential, megalomaniacal, sadomasochistic, capriciously malevolent bully.” Hmm. Sounds like Trump alright.

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    1. Yahweh makes Voldemort look like a right sensible fellow.

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    2. I've always liked the Greek gods. All of them. Now they make sense.

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  3. Well, since the Bible chapters were selected by men and they selected only what men wrote, not sure we are going to get anything different than where we are now. Most people cherry pick from that tomb. And yes, my name is in gold on the cover of my Bible!

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    1. Mine appears to have had a lot of use but I don't recall sitting and reading it. It had nice illustrations in color.

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  4. Sigh. Just when I think he cant get any lower to excavates a deeper ditch.
    Our news this morning features White House staff supporting his 'totally legitimate' slander of the elderly protester in Buffalo who was downed by police. I have to severely ration my news exposure at the moment...

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    1. Heard that, sister. Even worse than keeping up with the latest news is seeing the comments of his loyal flock--on any subject. That's just damn depressing.

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  5. Well skewered, Murr - well skewered :)
    That man will never change and I really fear what he'll be able to do to further destroy your country even if he loses in November. He needs so badly to be right that he is liable to burn everything down as he's leaving.

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    1. He's already got his army up and running. Citizens' militias and the paid-for kind, too.

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  6. The Song of Solomon is one of the dirty parts, if I remember. Trump should like that. Not too sure if have a soul as I might have traded it for something or other, but I do have my mojo, which I try to be more careful of.
    Love the first picture, but if the tie was hanging out at the bottom of the jacket it would be even better!

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    1. I tried, I tried! First I had to look up Windsor Knot online and I could never get the fat part to hang down right, PLUS that is my actual jacket (Dave bought me a suit once!) and it's really low.

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  7. Love your scowl, Murr. Spot on Trumpian!

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    1. I think I look best that way. It gives me eyebrows.

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  8. I'm going to plead ignorance here, because I've never read the bible and don't even own one. No one in my family does. trump probably thinks he is doing good just by holding one.

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    1. Although he holds it weird. If you'll notice, he had his thumb out on the front of it and his fingers behind. I knew that when I posed and my hand STILL flipped around. I don't know about you, but a normal person would find it difficult to hold a book like that. Try it.

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  9. Wasn't he holding The Book of Smite upside down in the photo...just as he did the Rainbow Flag?

    The only bibles I ever see are in hotel rooms, and I always leave commentary in the margins of Leviticus. (Lotsa smiting going on in Leviticus.)

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    1. Man, it never occurred to me to leave commentary. That sounds like FUN.

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  10. That photo of you mocking trump is priceless!

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  11. I don't and won't subscribe to any of the social media (outside of blogs). But there's a hashtag trending on Twitter at the moment that has me sorely tempted! It's called potuschallenge, and the idea is to take a photo of yourself holding a book you've never read while standing in front of a building/site you've never entered. "Extra points" if you hold it upside-down or backwards.

    With my hair shaved to 1/2" at the moment, IF I were to follow along, I'd choose "The Feminine Mystique" and stand in front of a Glamour Shots studio. It still wouldn't come close to some of the clever pictures on that thread, however.

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    1. Man, I could pick up almost any book and stand almost anywhere.

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  12. The younger generation blames the baby boomers for destroying the economy, for supporting the racist police state which murders black people, and for pretty much destroying America. The level of hatred that the youth feels towards boomers is undescribable. My question is, do you boomers think you're going to have a peaceful retirement? How do you think the younger generation will treat you? Already we see it happening, a couple weeks ago there was that video of a black guy punching a 75 year old white baby boomer man in the face in a retirement home. This is what happens when you live a greedy selfish life without thinking of the future. One day, the CONSEQUENCES of your actions come back to hit you a 100 fold. You boomers destroyed America and the youth is angry enough to riot and burn down the cities. The GREED of the baby boomers caused this. Anyway good luck, you baby boomers are gonna need it.

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    1. Is that the best you can do? Do you even think about what you are saying? "The youth"? Country i live in contains people of all ages. It even includes "teenage immigrant welfare mothers on drugs". Just a song, it's on YouTube, you can go find it.
      Verdad, your fantasy of a black dude punching a poor old person in the face is pretty discouraging. That is not cool. Also, your description of mindless hatred and violence does not describe the values that many us are still maintaining.
      I understand that you are angry. If you want to be serious, please refrain from using generalizations such as "the youth", "old white baby boomer" and "black people". What's next,because i could supply you with many more examples of rampant ignorance. Hopefully, if you survive, you will continue to live to regret this rant.

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  13. Oh, go fuck yourselves. I already have a name. I don't want to scratch that thing. If you had any integrity at all, you wouldn't be such a liar.
    Yours truly, Wiley E.Coyote.

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