Saturday, November 23, 2019

High Nunes: The First Epistle To The Banana Republicans

Welcome to Story Time, the Circus, the Greatest Shitshow On Earth. The House Democrat majority has brought everything but the elephant poop. That's what we're here for.

You all know what's going on. This is no honest effort to discover the Truth. We buried that a long time ago. No, this is a shameless attempt to reverse the results of the last election, a coup d'├ętat, the blatant overturning of the wishes of the American People. It's disgraceful. The blatant overturning of the American People's wishes is the job of the Electoral College, and the Democrats know it.

This is not a serious undertaking. The Democrats have spent the past three years fantasizing at night about Watergate. They are wanking away in their basement bunkers, deposing repeatedly, in total secrecy, and we know this, because we were in there with them.

They've got nothing. They have people who talked to other people who overheard other people who got a text from their second cousin. There are no first-hand witnesses that the Democrats can provide, because we've got them duck-taped to their chairs in the White House, the American People's house, not some dank basement room with a hanging light bulb and the scent of damp Democrat panties. All they've got is rumor and hearsay.

Because true patriots do not meekly submit to Democrat subpoenas. They serve the American People, and the American People have no interest in these proceedings. The ratings are in the toilet, by the way. The true obstruction of justice is at the sticky hands of the Democrats who have refused from Day One to allow the President to conduct the business of the American People without oversight. Indeed, this obstruction of Trump and the purity of his vision is no less than an affront to God.

We aren't even allowed to subpoena the whistleblower, without whose blown whistle we wouldn't even be here today. We need to know the identity of the whistleblower and his or her GPS coordinates in order to determine if he or she is a partisan hack and allow the American People to demonstrate how justice is done, old-school.

They've got nothing! The President never once said "This was totally a quid pro quo for purely personal political gain." Quite the opposite. He said there was NO quid pro quo, loud as all hell, and wrote it twice with a Sharpie. So there. And he's right, because the Ukrainians never did what the President wanted, or what somebody's NeverTrumper second cousin said he wanted, and they got their military aid after all, which was only being held up temporarily, which is totally normal, until such time as the public found out about it. No quid pro quo. Or bribery, or extortion, or urinary malfeasance in the third degree, or whatever the Democrat Word Of The Day is.

Even Ambassador Sondland did not say quid pro quo in at least several of his text messages, instead obliquely referring to the "deliverables," which is a totally normal word for things that are open and above-board. Ask any reputable goombah.

And then, what happened? Trump sent them the Javelin weapons Congress ordered, which they really really needed to fight the Russians. Obama didn't send them Javelins. He blackly sent blankets and binkies. Neither did Clinton or Carter or Teddy Roosevelt. Democrat pansy-assedness goes back a long way. Only Trump had the courage to hold up the delivery of Javelins for a couple months while he made sure the Ukrainians wouldn't waste them.

The fact is if Democrats had been around when George Washington was using diplomatic channels to secure a treaty with Great Britain, they would have creamed their colonial knickers just thinking about impeaching him.

Are we to take the word of people who claim to know what's on the President's mind? Give us a break. Nobody knows what's in there. He'll say one thing in the morning and do something else at noon. The idea that anybody knows what the President is thinking is plain ludicrous. And yet that is what the partisan peter beaters on the other side of the aisle want you to believe.

Jesus. Don't make us go full Kavanaugh on your asses. Our arms are already in the air and we'll be spitting nails in a minute. Shut up! I'm not screaming, you're screaming!

The American People can see what's going on here. This circus is taking up valuable time the House of Representatives needs to do the American People's business, before our friends block it all in the Senate.

Let's face it: the Democrats have been trying to get rid of Trump since the day he was elected, and also they want to see nude photos of him.

Democratic response:

Yes we have, and no we the hell do not.

31 comments:

  1. Wow! Just wow! Thanks for starting my morning with a hearty belly laugh!
    Cop Car

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    1. CC = screen name. When I started blogging in 1997, daughter suggested screen name. Since she used her dog's name, I used my cat's name (black and white, obviously). In actuality, I am an old woman, an engineer who retired in 2004. Love your wicked sense of humor!
      Cop Car

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    2. Man, you were an early blogger! Cop Car is an excellent name for a cat. Thanks for clearing that up.

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  2. Teddy Roosevelt was a Republican. One of very few I admire.

    And the idea of the nude photos...makes me throw up a little in my mouth.

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    1. Oops! My bad! Thanks. Really? (I'm a terrible historian.) Of course, in this instance, I can totally blame Nunes for the error, right?

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  3. And besides, TFI is ENTITLED to keep the money! He allowed Ukraine to buy weapons--that black-hearted REAL president never did that--so the Ukrainian president OWES him!

    "That's what we're here for": you know we all settle back and rub our hands in anticipation when you type that, right?

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  4. Scarily on the mark. You can't make up the crap that's been coming out of some people. Nobody would believe it.

    The good part is that Trump is helping the impeachment decision every single time he opens his mouth.

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    1. It is a true thing that I cannot write as much about this administration as you'd think I can. I live for hyperbole and they've outdone me.

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    2. You know... if the stuff that's coming out of Washington was the plot for a TV show, I'd have dismissed it as being so unrealistic as to strain my ability to suspend disbelief. And I would have changed the channel to something more credible.

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    3. There must be a word for "post-gobsmacked."

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  5. I just wondered how the Republicans could keep on keepin' on with the asinine comments, questions, remarks etc etc etc with straight faces. I totally expected one of them to crack and start with the sniggers and then roll on to the guffaws and belly laughs when Nunes was doing his re-direct from Trump=Jailbird to Trump=long-suffering-possibly-nominated-for-sainthood-tomorrow routine. They had to be stoned, drunk or determined to ignore the facts to not understand what Trump did, and its implications. We all know which. Time for a third party.

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  6. I'm not so sure your President does actually think. It's possible he's just memorised and entire Thesaurus and spouts random words and sentences as the remembered pages spin in the wind.

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    1. He doesn't know as many words as are on one page of a thesaurus.

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    2. I know you were being polite, River, but please -- he's not to be spoken of as "your President." He's not my president nor for the majority of Americans. He lost by 3 million votes. Our next president has to lead the way to shutting down forever the Electoral College.

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    3. Sorry Susan; I simply meant 'your' as 'your country', not your personal choice. I understand not everybody voted for him.

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    4. Of course -- I understand -- I was only being helpful for next time...LOL

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  7. oops, 'an entire' not 'and entire' ignore that random 'd'.

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    1. Here at Chez Murrmurrs, we mentally edit for you!

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    2. But that would mean he read a book wouldn't it? And we know that isn't right.

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  8. I sm so tired of this past three years....so tired.

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    1. Of course, part of that is the natural middle of the night INSOMNIA over it all.

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  9. This: "the Truly Trumpian Man – guided by bigotry, seized by conspiracy theories, dismissive of facts and truth, indifferent to ethics, contemptuous of institutional norms and ruthlessly dedicated to the success of a demagogue.” The writer (at Cleveland.com) was speaking of Jim Jordan, Nunes's equally sickening co-Trumper. It's shocking,I'm incredulous, that so many of my fellow Americans believe these people and would vote for them again. As for me, I'm pretty terrified as to what life will look like under Russian communist authority. Even the outfits are bad.

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    1. Yeah, we'd be better off being taken over by Samoans. Now that's comfy.

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  10. If you make me look at the president in his birthday suit I will have to bleach my brain. Yes, the upper one.

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  11. If you bite my pis or kiss my neck, I promise to rip your fucking clothes off. Click here and Check me out i am getting naked here ;)

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