Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Oh Frack

Every now and then someone comments on this blog that I should be President, clearly recognizing that it would be a total snap to institute environmental safeguards and progressive policies in the current political climate if only they were explained properly. There are a number of reasons I haven't entered politics, including that it would cut into my beer time, and would expose my family, which has counted on my obscurity over the years, to certain humiliation.

For one thing, there are too many photographs out there, taken at a time when the only good judgment I demonstrated was in having come of age before the internet showed up. Any number of these would have prevented me from holding elective office, outside of Italy.

Now there's another reason. Representative Becky Carney of North Carolina just accidentally voted to allow fracking when she meant to vote against allowing fracking. She simply pushed the wrong button.

Fracking is a controversial method of energy mining in which the earth is drilled and injected and busted up into fractures until it farts out natural gas, and is implicated in the contamination of water, earth tremors, subsidence, and other disastrous consequences. The practice has even been forbidden by some countries, including France, which fracking proponents, whining nasally in ridicule, consider evidence in their favor.

Rep. Carney cast the deciding vote to allow fracking, even though she did not support it. She got mixed up. I know how that can come about. We get helpful explanations sometimes in our Voter's Pamphlet that go like this:

A "yes" vote reverses the lower court's refusal to overturn the decision to override the cheese ball veto.

Now, I have to come at this from the back end (a photo of which may exist) and puzzle it out with string, a pencil, and daisy petals to know what to do, and even then I don't know if I'm going to get any cheese out of it. This is the sort of thing that happened to Ms. Carney, and as a result she was able to move the earth just by pushing a little button (there may be a photo of that as well).

So Carney was honestly confused. It would be even worse if I were in there and had to keep track of my buttons, because it isn't getting any easier. In recent years I have discovered my kitchen sponge in the cheese compartment, which went a long way toward explaining how my countertops got so smeary, and my little voice recorder in my underwear drawer. I was glad to see it. It had been missing for days. I'm afraid to push the play-back button. I could face the rigors of a political campaign, but I don't want to know what my underpants think of me.

Many thanks to Ian over at And I Still Think So for his kind words and good-blog recommendations, and you could start with his.

45 comments:

  1. Elizabeth Warren should be President. You could be Secretary of Blogging (and beer).

    She got mixed up. I know how that can come about.

    So that's how a doofus like Bush managed to invade the wrong country (Iraq) after 9/11.

    Carney needs to get her act together before she aspires to rise any higher, though. You can get the willies thinking about what could happen with a President pushing the wrong button by accident.

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    1. Ooo, Elizabeth Warren. Mmm. Maybe we should do away with buttons altogether and institute a safer Toggle Switch system.

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  2. Yep! I have similar reasons for declining the urgeings(is that a real word?)of some people that I run for office. The usual answer is that I can't even run for a bus, but I am constitutionally dis-allowed. I was not born here. End of.
    (But I like to think I'm a bit smarter than Ms Carney.Christ-on-bicycle!)

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    1. I think I was born here, but I don't have a strong memory of it. So it could be I was smuggled in as a little leaky President-Bomb from Norway or something, but they're going to be disappointed in my stance on whaling.

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  3. I had never considered it before, but after reading your blog, you absolutely SHOULD run for president. Once I was no longer able to take politicians seriously (on any level (despite the fact that they have power over my life)) I have discovered them to be the greatest clowns on the planet. You'd fit right in except you'd add some class.

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  4. Pushing the wrong button by accident is something I had nightmares over the entire time Reagan was president. But you are correct not to run for public office. You financial disclosure would expose you as a one-percenter and your credibility would be shot.

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    1. I'm a one-percenter, all right. It's all this blogging income.

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  5. Once again you prove something I have often found to be true. In this case, the observation that those most qualified to be President are too smart to go after it. I don't worry about putting things in the wrong drawer. I never look for stuff where it belongs anyway.

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  6. You have a whole drawer just for cheese? Boy, are you ever organized! You just don't want to get confused and put the cheese in your underwear drawer.

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    1. I really hate to think of how long it would take me to discover cheese in my underwear drawer. And when I did, I might not come to the correct conclusion. Might make a medical appointment.

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  7. Cheese... mmmm... What red "launch" button? No, I'm sure I didn't push that... oh, wait a minute, *that* red button?

    Oops.

    Um, want some cheese?

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    1. Yes, please! What's all that up in the sky?

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  8. Anyone who wants to be in public office is not someone you would want there.
    Why would we think that if we are not smart enough to arrange our own lives that we would be smart enough to elect someone else to do it?
    To show you that age does not automatically make you wiser I thought that Obama would be different but he is not. Fooled me again but the game is rigged so that there is no other choice. That may not matter as the government is being auctioned off and the most money wins anyway.
    If you run I will vote for you even though I like you and know it will not be good for you. I will selfishly be doing it for myself.

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    1. I understand your disappointment, but I don't know who'd be able to do any better with that crew in there. It's like David Sedaris said (approximately) when he met someone who "couldn't decide" whether to vote for Bush or Kerry: "Let's see. Do I want the Chicken Marsala, or the plate of shit with the ground glass bits in it?"

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  9. Yours would be a very interesting Presidency. But I think you might hate it -- a lot!

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    1. As long as I can still sleep in. I could, couldn't I?

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  10. You couldn't possibly do worse than the clowns in Congress right now. I for one, am willing to forgive your youthful transgressions and I'm not even Italian. But are you sure those pictures aren't posted somewhere on the internet?

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  11. I'm just glad that drawer had been Margaretized.

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    1. Oh bless yore heart! You noticed! I thought I'd get in trouble for not neatly folding.

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  12. To say that politics is a circus is to insult the circus. At least, the way things are going now.

    Where is Jed Bartlet when you need a good President?

    If you seek political office, you aspire to great things. Start out by running for dogcatcher, and see how you fare.

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    1. Man, I'd have to want to catch a dog. I'm not up for the commitment.

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  13. Clearly there should be a do-over option in cases like this. Clearly I'm empathizing because I could have used a do-over a few times myself :)

    We are facing fracking in our little corner of the world also. It seems to be another case of David v. Goliath with this issue.

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  14. It is. And there are so many more Davids. We need to band together! She did try for a do-over. Evidently you can have your vote recalibrated as long as it does not change the outcome--so that you can be on the record with your true opinion. In this case, she was the deciding vote. And the powers that be (Republicans, in this case) did not want the outcome to change, so they said no. It was fair, in that sense. But a damn, damn, damn, damn shame.

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  15. Tragic. There has been a little bit of fracking done in the UK. Not something I'd want done in my backyard - and I don't see why anyone else should have to have it done in theirs, either.

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    1. We are all in someone's back yard. Here's another reason not to go into politics, albeit a cowardly one: when I make a mistake, I need to apply more laundry detergent, or run back to the hardware store, or apologize to a single friend. When the good Representative from North Carolina makes a mistake, the world changes. But let us not forget her Republican colleagues all made the same mistake, blithely.

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    2. There has been ongoing fracking of the Marcellus Shale in my region, and many people are up in harms. Fracking can have huge environmental and public health impacts, and I for one support a moratorium (or outright ban) on it.

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  16. "...only good judgment I demonstrated was in having come of age before the internet showed up."
    You have just described the 80s...and part of the early 90s...for me.
    Fracking=evil. I am from Youngstown, Ohio, my Mom still lives there. Never had an earthquake in Youngstown - until all the fracking.

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    1. Sixties and Seventies, in my case. Whole lotta shakin' going on, and that includes the fracking.

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  17. I w0nder h0w many anti-fracking v0ters in her district wiLL "accidentaLLy" push the wr0ng butt0n and v0te her 0ut 0f 0ffice when/if she runs f0r re-s-electi0n. Ultimately v0ting is the final & sec0nd m0st imp0rtant thing we ask elected 0fficials t0 d0. The m0st imp0rtant thing is t0 think. Perhaps we are eXpecting t00 much.

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    1. I'm more sympathetic. I guess they'd been deliberating into the night or something and since she was solidly on one side of the line and goofed anyway, it was an honest mistake. People make them. They're not usually this horrible.

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  18. There was a whole debate about fracking here in Quebec this winter and spring. Luckily they voted a moratorium until more info is gathered? What info? We know this isn't a good thing. Obviously they're simply looking for a spin that'll make it look good.

    Oh and Carney? Imbecile. How hard is it to double check before you push the button.

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  19. Hey Murr! Buttons? I'd prefer not to. Zips or possibly drawstrings. In fact, drawstrings. Wow, comfy. Sorry, I'm confused - what were you saying? Roth x

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    1. Or just plain elastic, in case you want to stretch the truth.

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  20. A big 'oops' moment for poor Becky. It reminds me of the time when a local politician took me to task for a story in which I'd quoted him. He objected to the fact that I had written what he said because, as he put it: "That wasn't what I meant to say." Otherwise, frack fracking in my esteem. And thank you so much for the plug.

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    1. Ack! He actually told you that? I hope you reported THAT. And thank you, mrwriteon!

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  21. Well, thanks Murr. I had ALMOST gotten over my ire and you've set me off again. I fear we will suffer deeply from her little "oversight."

    Of course, that fits nicely in a state that officially refused to recognize studies on the effects of the rising seas on coastal NC. Would be bad for economic development, you know.

    Makes me glad to live here in the hills with the wild rivers and banjo music.

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    1. Man, it's a good thing the rising seas themselves aren't going to affect economic development! Whew! Dodged a bullet, there!

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  22. I don't want to know what my underpants think of me, either! And I completely understand about things like pesky presidential responsibilities cutting into your beer time. Definitely makes "President" as a career not an option for me!

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    1. Although, I think some Presidents have been relaxeder than others.

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