Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Pissed

Everyone's pissed. The Republicans are rolling out a template of candidates who promise to put God in their cabinets. The Democrats thought they'd already elected God and are vexed he isn't doing more smiting. The Buick of State is up on blocks and not moving at all, now that the Rs have taken all the wheels off, and the Ds can't figure out why the president isn't at least leaning on the horn. The president isn't blowing the horn because horn-blowing isn't an option for him. If he's pissed too, no one will ever know.

That option was taken away from him right off the bat. When Obama got elected, riding a tide of hope and joy, he presented a problem. As an attractive man with wide and fervent support, he seemed likely to thwart the Republicans' foremost goal, which was to reign forever and ever, amen. Something had to be done. The Republican brain trust got right to work. The most obvious defamation, that the president was a colored guy, was problematic. An entire oblique vocabulary would have to be employed to point it out; worse, some people might not even find it all that defamatory. Ultimately, they resorted to pure invention, building on the observation that, at the least, Obama's father was a colored guy, and foreign, and had a funny name, and probably associated with an unapproved version of God. From there it was a quick leap to the notion that the president had sprung full-grown from a planted alien pod and was attempting to destroy America from within by inflicting Socialism on it, which is their word for government for the people, as opposed to government for the people who have all of the money. And besides all that, he was still colored. They couldn't come right out and say it, but it was their ace in the hole, and there were other ways to get the point across. Michele Bachmann couldn't say it, because she, along with her husband, is a lady, but she could and did say he presided over a gangsta government. Michele is a subtle gal.

So Obama has his principles, which is why he still allows himself to be photographed playing basketball instead of wearing plus-fours on the croquet court, but he must never, ever, appear to be pissed. No matter how he is provoked, he must remain unperturbed. He is in the odd position of being too black for some and insufficiently black for others, but he cannot display so much as a snit, or the deal is sealed. He blows his top and it's all over. Michele Bachmann might as well just start referring to his "crack-ho economic plan" if he does that. So the Republicans and their propaganda wing have been poking sharp sticks at him for three years now. Occasionally a camera catches him in a momentary sun-squint and the photo is sieved for signs of irritability through three news cycles, but the Republicans might have to admit they misjudged his actual heritage. They are dealing with a man who came from a white mother and a Vulcan father.

It's the Nixon-goes-to-China thing. (Thanks for that, by the way, Dick.) No one but an ardent anti-Communist could have gotten away with opening up trade with a Communist country. In this country, you're not allowed to accomplish what you want, but sometimes you can do what no one expects of you. Obama can't act peeved, but Mitt Romney could fling himself down and have a tantrum in the grocery aisle, and be praised for unanticipated passion.

Some Democrats think Hillary Clinton could have accomplished more, but she would have been thwarted too. Any woman in that position would have had to whomp up a war so as not to appear too feminine, except not during her period, when it would just look bitchy. The only person who could get away with introducing real socialism would be Donald Trump. Myself, I want a president who will value education, make decisions based on sound science, institute a steeply progressive tax structure, and get serious about global warming.

I'm voting for Rick Perry.

Somewhere over there on the left you'll see an invitation to follow me on Twitter. It's not a very shiny button, but that's only appropriate. I barely know how to twit. Tweet. Whatever. But someday I will, and it might be funny. If you sign up real quick, you can be my fourth whole follower.

42 comments:

  1. Unfortunately it's not that simple. If Perry were going to make any effort to disguise himself as a sane person, we'd have seen some sign of it by now. Pretending to be something you're not, especially for years, takes both brains and self-discipline. Self-discipline is something Republicans only expect from other people.

    Oh, and they probably think Obama is "too feminine" too, what with his refined manners and disinterest in blasting the crap out of wild animals with large-caliber weapons. The nearest he's come to whomping up a war was to join in one already whomped up by the French, and there weren't even any Americans killed in that one. What a wimp.

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  2. omigosh this post is the best! It almost makes me like politics. Or want to vote. Brilliant!

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  3. I'm pissed too, Murr, but there doesn't seem to be anything to do except cry... and laugh at the absurdity of it all. You have captured that PERFECTLY.

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  4. What a great encapsulation of the complete absurdity of the entire grand exhibition of idiocy that calls itself politics in our time. You've really nailed it, Murr.

    Even the HuffPost has jumped on the band wagon, chastising him and posting photos of him wiping his brow with a white handkerchief on a hot day, as if it illustrated what a tough spot he's gotten himself into. It was HOT ferchristsake!

    There are so many great statements here, I can't choose which to highlight. They're all good. Outstanding.

    Thank you. Great Post.

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  5. Between this wonderfully MurrMurrian point of view and the one Sheria Reid posted at The The Examined Life, I am fully armed and ready to take this next year on. Course, I'm easy; I'm in the choir. And I'll be quoting you.

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  6. Geez...it's just awful! I'm saddened by what all is going on. Where's the middle of the road? Where's logic? Where's the "for the welfare of our country"? Good Post...

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  7. You can't be serious. Rick freakin' Perry!? I know your tongue is usually firmly implanted in your cheek so this must be a joke right? Please?

    But just in case thanks to Ricky boy Texas ia tied with Mississippi for having the largest percentage of it's population reduced to poverty pay and he cut fire dept funding by 75% and now the state is going up in smoke.

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  8. Roxie sez
    "Pissed?"I was looking forward to another potty post.

    Obama's approval rating is below 50%. The Republican party's approval rating is below 40% People are getting so cynical that they wouldn't approve of Jesus Christ with Sanata Claus as a vice Pres.

    I'm just waiting for Perry's dirty laundry to jump out of the closet. Maybe he knows someone who knows someone who's Communist. Maybe one of his family members is an unmarried parent. Maybe - maybe he used to wet the bed!

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  9. This is genius! And you so nailed it. Obama is a total Vulcan. At this point, I'd like to see them pull a fast one and run Biden for president and Obama for VP. That would so screw with the Republicans. Plus, I'd get my wish -- which was to elect Biden president from the very beginning.

    Again, genius writing, my talented, smart, funny friend.

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  10. Just the great post I would've expected. Wish I could say that politics in Canada is any saner...sadly, no. Wish I could say US politics is just entertainment to us but that's not true, either. And we can't vote!

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  11. You are joking about Rick Perry, aren't you? I sure hope so.

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  12. Hey Murr!

    As a Brit who endures a different flavour of political idiocy, I've never understood how people can vote for the President separately from the Houses. Democrat Prez, Republican everything else? Gee, I wonder why that doesn't work? *rare sarcasm*

    Our PM might be an privileged ass, but he gets the job because his party holds a majority (or something resembling it) in our House of Commons. We vote for the MPs in the Commons (not the PM) and the leader of the party with the most elected members gets to be boss.

    It still doesn't work that well, but it makes slightly more sense.

    Indigo

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  13. I'm voting for Katie Perry. She's as white as it gets.

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  14. The Star Trek references fit the parties that be in spades. Obama a Vulcan, that makes the Tea Party into The Borg and clearly the Republicans and their profit margin on every decision clearly are "The Ferengi".

    That leaves the omnipotent "Q" running things from heavens on high; and nobody likes him very much either except the Evangelicals.

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  15. Nice one. (Can I say that or do I have to shut up, being Canadian?)

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  16. The last president who had any power what so ever was Johnson. Since then...phuut. Who ever is tallest wins. Today's presidents are the same as yesterdays vice presidents whose main job was to call in and see if the president had died yet and go to funerals. Whether right or wrong at least Obama tried to do something. Once again no power. Politics have removed any real leadership. We probably need a Klingon in office.

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  17. Great post. The state of politics today makes it harder and harder to keep my rose-colored glasses in place. Try being a progressive living in the narrow-minded right-winged state of Georgia, where money was slashed for education, healthcare, police and firefighters, and all matters of things I consider important .... BUT where millions of dollars funded the former governor's pet "Go Fish" project.

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  18. I'm a colored man too: pasty white, very similar to ecru. (I'll do anything to not talk about politics.)

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  19. Simon Nicol - Me again...September 7, 2011 at 2:28 PM

    Better, Best, Bestest.
    Go girl!

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  20. So I have to admit that I read this sentence twice: "The Democrats thought they'd already elected God and are vexed he isn't doing more smiting." Only the first time I read it, I thought you'd written "smiling." Silly me, brilliant post! I know that you were being sarcastic about voting for R.P. Elaine

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  21. @Ellen: The state isn't going up in smoke because he cut firefighting funds. It's going up in smoke because he doesn't believe in climate change.

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  22. Talk about "divided by a common language."
    To us (English and their Antipodean former colonies)pissed means drunk. I think when you say pissed you mean extremely vexed, yes?
    Of course, the state of the nation could have driven everyone to drink...

    Keep it comin', Murr.

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  23. I am/was a little worried about your last sentence, too.

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  24. Well, not being an American, I'm not sure what to say. There are a few things that resonate.
    Obama is about as far from socialism as Reagan was from socialism. Problem is, if Reagan were around today, he'd be kicked out of the Republican Party for being too socialist. An American paradox.
    And you want "a president who will value education, make decisions based on sound science, institute a steeply progressive tax structure, and get serious about global warming"?
    Ya know, I think I see a couple of guys in white coats coming to take you away ho ho he he ha ha to the funny farm where life is beautiful all the time. Just relax Murr; they won't hurt you. After all, Rick Perry sent them.

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  25. I love you girl..... I think the people are barking up the wrong tree and I've seen my dog do that many times!!! The squirrel can jump.

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  26. Can't say too much because I'm just the neighbour, one of those commie pinko socialists to the north. But glad there are people like you down there, Murr. It sort of blunts the daily scariness that constantly bombards us from the south, which rises to epic proportions during your elections.

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  27. Actually, the real truth about Rick Perry is that he's bald. That stuff on his head is faux hair.

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  28. Rick who??????????
    Rose of Chrysalis

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  29. Sorry gang, I've been off the grid. But thanks for all the comments. I adore my Canadian readers and hope to be adopted someday--also, please send down a comedian. And to all who worry about my last line? Please be assured that it's just another example of something Trickling Down.

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  30. Such a perfect rundown of a convoluted, despicable political scene. Thanks for a rare smile over it all.

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  31. Oh, don't lie, you know how to twit. With the best of them.

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  32. Just5 me here...laughing until I cry.
    AND then crying some more. Think I'll go dig in the dirt....

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  33. Is it true that Gov Perry is going to propose a constitutional amendment to ban plus fours on the grounds that they are "too gay?"

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  34. Ok, to sound like a hackneyed cliche--I say "You go girl!" You always make sense, and to present it with such humor, day after day, is a prodigious gift! Thank you.

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  35. Oh. My. Word. Now that I can breathe again, I must commend you on a fabulously spot-on analysis. The Republican Clown Car of Presidential Candidates is endlessly entertaining, and infuriating, but the sad thought is that one of these jokers might actually get elected. No, I don't have much confidence in my fellow voters.

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  36. That was delicious!

    The problem with half-human/half-vulcans is that when they do let their emotions out... YIKES!!! Perhaps he can use that to rally his base again next year.

    @Robert the Skeptic: LOL!!! indeed. And here I thought the only person who liked Q was Q... ;o)

    Live long and prosper! (a capitalist statement if ever there was one) And keep posts like this one coming! ;o)

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  37. Hopefully you're kidding about voting for Rick Perry. ?? The man is insane - NUTS!! Sanity is something he's not familiar with. How could you EVER say you'll vote for him?

    I enjoyed the article - until that last sentence. Unfortunately you lost me as a reader. Don't worry - I know that's not gonna change your mind. I do hope before the elections in 2012 - you realize what a complete Whacko Rick Perry is, and how awful he'd be for this country - SERIOUSLY.

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  38. Come back, Lynda! Please see my other comment above, addressed to the other two or three people who took my last line seriously. For the record, if I ever vote for a Republican, you have my permission to whack me upside the head with one of those 5,000-year-old dinosaur bones.

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  39. I'm picking this up on 9/11, the infamous date that lead to us shooting up Iraq, and setting all sorts of behaviors that seem more and more on the very edge of insanity—alas! over the edge.

    I suspect there is no authority left to the White House. Money buys votes, and the middle class is dying while corporations have become the "by the people, for the people." Where is the outrage?

    Your post makes me incredibly sad, because it is the truth, barely exaggerated...

    Where is the not-too bright twitter button. I can't lose you!

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  40. Just to the left and below the Buick On Blocks, below Pootie and my video. I need to get something flashier I guess but I had enough trouble getting that one to turn on.

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