Saturday, March 16, 2019

The Poop On Joe The Plumber

You know, if it weren't for the occasional meme that gets tracked into my Facebook page on a right-wing shoe, I wouldn't know that Denver has just legalized pooping on the sidewalk in order to protect illegal immigrants from deportation at the behest of Democrats who need their votes in order to continue their march toward socialism and the destruction of freedom as we know it. I had been unaware of this, but it makes sense.

Liberals are rightly concerned because it is well known that homeless illegal immigrants are particularly drawn to city sidewalks for their defecation activities, in many cases passing up clean heated restrooms for the opportunity to drop their drawers in public. This is a long-standing tradition among peoples who are expected to clean other people's toilets but not use them personally. It would be culturally insensitive to force them to use the public toilet facilities most American cities don't have any of.

In fact there are credible reports that illegal aliens, like dogs, have scaled the border wall just to drop a deuce in our yard, and be back home in time for din-din.

But even we liberals believe they should clean up after themselves, so we are pressing for legislation to provide Baggies & Ballots in street dispensers along with absorbent American flags to wipe with.

Illegal immigrant homeless poop is considered more of a public health threat because it takes the jobs of regular homeless poop. Worse, evidently there is a thousand-foot-long turd oozing toward our southern border. Much if not most of the illegal drugs passing into the United States have been shown to be passed first through illegal immigrant rectums. Pooping on the sidewalk does make the cocaine retrieval a lot easier.

Wait a minute. A quick fact check revealed that Denver did not in fact just make sidewalk pooping legal but instead lowered the penalties to sixty days in jail per turd, and they did it two years ago.

So why is this meme making the rounds now? This particular story has been brought to us on an annual basis (or as needs of rage require) courtesy Joe The Plumber, who was never a plumber and cannot be expected to help with the waste management situation. In fact, he puts out a lot of shit himself.

I don't know. Poop is a problem. I think we need to build a stall. A big, beautiful stall.

19 comments:

  1. Wow. Those illegal immigrant homeless people must be much more exhibitionistic than I am. Not only would I not be comfortable pooping on a sidewalk, or the woods, I am far too reticent to even poop in a public toilet. If possible, I hold it and wait until I am home. Though I guess if you are homeless, the sidewalk is home, so they may be just as inhibited as I am on this matter.

    Which is way more than anyone wants to know about me. Except maybe you, for you are the scatatological expert one goes to for all the poop on... well, poop.

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  2. I am a peace-loving person, and not given to raising my voice or arguing, but some days I just want to strangle some people. With my bare hands. So help me god I do. It's so easy for those living in even basic comfort to have no empathy for those in desperate straits. Grrr. Now I'm all riled up! But at least I enjoyed your turns of phrase while the riling up was done :)

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    Replies
    1. This is something I have trouble with too. How can a person look at a ragged man pooping on the sidewalk and feel nothing but self-righteousness about it, rather than genuine sorrow for his condition? For that matter how can a person look at a woman carrying her child across the desert and think "What a terrible mother?" What basic cog of humanity is missing in these people?

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  3. Joe the Plumber isn't the shiniest urinal in the latrine. I am not even sure he knows the difference between hot and cold water pipes, but when it comes to reporting incidents of evil brown people defecating on Amerika he will be the foremost authority. I am following jenny o's lead by doing a lot of hand strengthening exercises.

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  4. The Old Glory 'swiper would not sit well with Betsy Ross.

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  5. Right up to "Wait a minute" you had me believing this is one more reason to never go to America and of course now I see how silly I was. Perhaps another coffee to wake up the brain cells would help me.

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    Replies
    1. The fact that so many people believe the first version might be reason enough.

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  6. Here in the California Capital, nobody poops on the sidewalk. They poop on the seats of the Muni-trains. If we see a steaming pile of shit while commuting, we don't sit by it --any more than we'd sit by the current president.

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    Replies
    1. AAAAAGGGGHHHH not enough flags in the world...

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  7. Do you...
    1) love Almighty God?
    2) love your neighbor?
    Cya Upstairs someday ♥️

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