Wednesday, May 13, 2020

Thirty Questions You Totally Shouldn't Be Asking

Here you go, straight from Conspiracy Central: thirty loaded questions about the pandemic that "people should be asking themselves," most of them heavily implying something sinister is afoot, something we need to get to the bottom of. I admit it: I read all thirty. I'm not making these up. And the reason I'm not asking myself these questions is I already know the answers. So obviously I'm just the person to clear up this crap before it goes coronaviral. Ready?

4. Why should you stay inside but yet heat and sunlight kill the virus? You, in particular, should stay inside so you can read up on how things work. But no one is telling anyone to stay inside. Get on out there, Petunia! Get some fresh air! Sunlight plus time is a disinfectant, so you can leave a plastic bin, for instance, outside for a few days and there shouldn't be any virus on it. If you leave your personal self outside for a few days and stay real still and don't move and don't touch any orifices, yours or a friend's, probably people could lay a finger right on you and not get a virus. Try not to breathe on them though.

5. Why can't kids (who are not at high risk) play on an outdoor playground, where sun kills this virus? Okay. Sure! Let the little buggers play on the playground! Kids are famous for not touching each other or bunching up or getting each other smeary or leaking fluids out of their orifices, so everything should be just fine, as long as one of them hasn't acquired the virus somewhere else! They wouldn't, like, share the playground equipment, would they? Or laugh, or talk, or shriek, or snot on things? Then they're good to go. Oh, that high risk bit? Your kids can get real sick too, but you're right, it's mainly Grandma we're protecting by trying to contain this thing. Although another way to go might be to have the oldsters laminated and park them in the basement. Send down a bucket of creamed peas and a fruit cup every few days.

7. Why is it okay for government officials to get a haircut, but not common citizens? Really? This is a thing? You mean government officials like the President? That's not a haircut, that's an installation. I'm guessing no "government official," whatever you mean by that, is getting a haircut unless they have someone who lives with them cutting their hair, or unless they're stupid or vain. Same as "common citizens."

8. Why the fear, when this virus has less than a 1% death rate? This virus is so new and so little data have been gathered that no one really knows the mortality rate yet, although it's generally pegged at over 1%. I guess we can only speak for ourselves on this one. The death rate for people in my age group is more like 4-11%, and it's not a nice death, and you get to die alone. I don't want it. Also, if my chances of getting killed in a car were one in a hundred trips, I wouldn't get in a car. You go ahead on, though, you tiger, you!

9. Why are areas like Chicago and New York gearing up for mass vaccination? Because they're smart and well-run.

11. Doesn't shelter in home mean there is a whole population of people not staying home so we can? Excellent question. Yes.

12. Why are they dividing us? Another good question. Wait. Who are you calling "they?"

13. How do people not know that we are a Republic, not a democracy? Huh. A little off-topic, there. I'm going with "nobody learns anything in school anymore," because as an Oldster I certainly know that we are a republic, meaning we elect our own representatives to legislate, rather than just everybody voting on every little thing all the time and seeing what shakes out. We are also a democracy, in that we democratically elect our representatives. I'm going out on a limb here, but something about your question makes me suspect you don't know any of this, but think this has something to do with our two major parties?

14. Where has the flu gone? Oo! Oo! I know this one. Bill Gates had the flu shipped out for the warmer months per his usual schedule and will have it re-installed next October, just in time to terrify people into accepting his vaccines, through which he intends to microchip everyone in the world, and then do, well, I don't know what. Something sneaky.

15. Why do the homeless consistently demonstrate the lowest infection rate? They don't. Jesus.

17. Why are they telling us to mask up after two months of lockdown? Really? Uh, because we still have no cure or vaccine for a dangerous and highly infectious disease. I'm not sure you're paying attention.

21. Why are the common people being controlled by government and no one is controlling the government? Hey, I've got one for you. What the hell is wrong with you?

23. Why are some doctors speaking out and then getting silenced? You mean Dr. Fauci?

25. What does a computer geek have to do with a pandemic and why does he want 7 billion coronavirus vaccines? He's a humanitarian.

28. Why did Dr. Fauci say in 2017 that there would be a "SURPRISE PANDEMIC" and then runs the pandemic team? Same answer, both clauses: because he is an expert on pandemics.

29. Why are they infringing on Christians [sic] freedoms? Whuh? Who? They who? Calm down.

And just for fun, let's go back to #3, which we skipped earlier.

3. Why can't you have an elective surgery, but you can have an abortion which is elective? Elective surgeries are those that are either unnecessary (like cosmetic surgery) or that can be reasonably postponed. Abortions, whether medically necessary or legally requested, cannot be reasonably postponed. This question doesn't seem to have much to do with our pandemic response. It feels more like a sniper shot from the Pro-Life movement, herein defined as a group advocating for the right to life for humans from blob till birth, and for a while after that, with exceptions for capital punishment, war, famine, black people running around blackly where they don't belong, and of course people over 65 during a dangerous pandemic.

44 comments:

  1. I don’t think there is a conspiracy. However. There are too many people on this planet, in too close a proximity to one another. That is why the virus spread to the degree it has. Nature is doing its job, trying to decimate the population because it is too fucking large and has become a cancer on this planet. People certainly aren’t limiting the population via birth control. And so, Nature is weeding out the weak and the aged. Who knows but the next time — and there WILL be one — it may go after the healthy ones as well. I know that this isn’t a popular view around here, and I am 64 myself. But most of my life is in the rear-view mirror… and it has been VERY good. Whatever is up ahead — even in NON-pandemic times — will not be so pleasant or that long, in the grand scheme of things. If I am hit badly with this, I will not go to a hospital, where I will die alone and in pain. I have two older cars in the garage. An air-tight garage. Nuff said. At least then, I will FINALLY conquer my insomnia! Woo-hoo! An upside!

    Keep in mind, also, that the Renaissance would never have happened if not for the Black Plague. Maybe this is our time’s Plague.

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    1. Now I want to know what kind of cars you have.

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    2. A 70 Mercury Monterey (I learned to drive on it!) and Paul has a 68 Pontiac Catalina. We keep them out of sentiment, but they also act as Plan B.

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    3. Classics! And so are the cars!

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  2. I sometimes think about what it would be like if there were no disasters to cull the herd. Today it seems some of the herd is jumping up and down saying me! Me! Me!

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  3. I actually kind of subscribe to the "culling by Mother Nature" theory. I would be happy if a new Renaissance comes out of this (like maybe a change in our greedy, capitalistic, over-consuming ways). But I don't intend to be one of the "culled."

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    1. Exactly! I would prefer not to be "culled." That is why I eat real, organic food that I cook myself -- not processed -- and I exercise daily. I do what I can. If I am among the culled, at least I will have done what I could.

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    2. I would hope that at least lessons about fossil fuel dependency and economic lessons (why are we supporting the enriching of the few at the expense of everyone else when we can see that we're one month away from abject poverty?) can be learned. I hope for a major blue wave and an FDR-style reordering of the economy and natural capital.

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  4. Where did you find these questions? Faux Nooz?

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    1. A meme shared on Facebook and encountered by me. For real, many read these questions and think, yeah--what ABOUT all that? Something hinky's going on. Believe me, I didn't answer all thirty because I believe in short blog posts. They were all this nuts.

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  5. I especially like your answer to #3. Your answer to #15 is the best, most all-purpose one, though!

    A friend is fond of the "stupid pill" theory. I don't know where so many people are still finding them during the pandemic, but they are.

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    1. Those pills were manufactured at considerable expense by the Koch brothers decades ago and are in broad circulation.

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  6. #3: Pro-life these days means, "Save the pre-babies, let Grandma die." And of course, all those other weaklings deserve to die, too. "Weakling" defined as "whoever got sick: they had it coming."
    But yes, save those clusters of cells!

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    1. You know, I don't get it. It's not Life, per se. It's some odd conception of innocence, and assumption of guilt as time goes on.

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  7. Just a comment on the one that included "older cars": newer cars produce just as much carbon monoxide, and the exhaust doesn't smell as bad.

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    1. Good to know. I won't have to bring aromatherapy bottles with me.

      I had heard that the newer cars with lower carbon emissions produced less carbon monoxide. Whatever.... At that point I think the smell would be the least of my worries.

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    2. Really? I did think it had to be older cars. Oh well--I'd have to build a garage.

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    3. I asked Google about it (my algorithms based on my queries to it must be interesting to say the least), and Google said that although even newer cars contain CO, older cars have it in greater concentrations because there are no catalytic converters in them. Good to know if you want as quick an exit as possible.

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  8. What a public service you have performed by giving us these answers, Murr. I feel so much better informed, now. I would be even better informed had you not omitted #1 and #2. Enquiring minds wish to know.

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    1. "1. Why can you go to Walmart and not Kohl's?
      2. Why the Dollar Store and not a mom-and-pop store?"
      I had answers to these and edited them out in the interest of brevity.

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  9. Guilty of Cull Theory, right here. We’re gathering an informal poll. And, if you’re Medicare age, don’t pretend you haven’t been reviewing your exit options. I’m shocked at how many there are, even if your car battery is dead. For instance, Medicare qualification acts like a signal for your PA to throw every scrip there is at every little concern you naturally happen to have. And you can get new ones virtually without having your vital signs betray you. Of course, you can’t do the pharmacy drive-through to get them, ‘cause your car won’t start. Hell, you’re too sick to get in your car. This, folks, is that rock/hardplace Mama warned us about. This is the ultimate Okay Boomer. Mind Murr; wash your damn hands, and try to hang on ‘til Instacart delivers the vaccine to your door.

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    1. Exit options have been studied here, if not exhaustively. Helps not being a Christian.

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  10. Any question that begins with "What about" makes me roll over and shut my eyes now. You are kind to answer these!

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    1. "...a faht in a gale-storm," as my sister used to say.

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    2. You are old enough to remember Gale Storm, aren't you?

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  11. I hope everyone's safe and staying safe. I just read that the virus is mutating and getting much more dangerous. I don't want to alarm anyone but it's time to get right with God, cause this is getting downright scary! Stay home and stay safe, guys!

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    1. This has been appearing on numerous blogs so I'd guess it's a bot . . .

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    2. At least there are civil members of the Anonymous family!

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    3. The issue I have with this Anonymous is that, once again, the wrong information being disseminated. Yes, the virus is mutating - all viruses mutate. But it is not, as yet, "getting much more dangerous". That is scare-mongering. And saying "it's time to get right with God" is driving the lie.

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    4. Article here:
      https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2020/05/coronavirus-strains-transmissible/611239/

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    5. The entire concept of getting right with God amuses me. I wonder if there's a blog post in it that won't send me straight to hell.

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    6. God better get right with me. That mo'fo' has a LOT to answer for.

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  12. Regarding the inability to reply to this (and all other blogs powered by BlogSpot. My husband believes that they were acquired by Google which competes with Apple. Since then users on a “nonGoogle friendly” browser CAN NOT comment.

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    1. I sure could until a couple posts ago. The new browser is working for me though.

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  13. Thank you SO MUCH for addressing these questions like I wanted to on a FB "friend's" feed but decided I should be polite. Not sure why. But your answers were so much more entertaining than my would have been.

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    1. Believe me, when I address these things in real time I'm way more obnoxious. BTW your hesitation probably has less to do with being polite than with realizing how little good you can do. Swear, 42% of the population would believe the moon is made of green cheese.

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    2. I have the same problem: Politeness. Why do we think that our own opinions matter so much less than others'? I made so many concessions to my husband's aunt -- an Evangelical Christian. She would talk about her "relationship" with Jesus. I kept my mouth shut. Her "relationship" was less real than my "relationship" with David Cassidy as a pre-teen. At least David Cassidy was an actual living person. I coulda been a contender!

      Why do I feel that I just can't say -- as nonchalantly as they do -- that I am an atheist? Thoughts?

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    3. Well, Mimi, relatives take a bit more diplomacy than is called for when we are among strangers or acquaintances. Since my mother's death in 1994, I've had absolutely no problem with declaring my atheism to anyone; but, I was a bit sensitive to causing her pain during her life.

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    4. Yeah, I think you need to keep a polish on your family relationships, especially if it doesn't matter much. I haven't had much evangelism directed at me over my lifetime. My Lutheran upbringing was a pretty gentle thing based more on goodness than on Heaven and Hell, and after that, I think people looked at me and vowed silently to pray for me but otherwise left me to the wolves.

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    5. When people ask what church I go to (I live in the south and people really do ask, a lot) I just say that I'm a heathen. Their reactions are their problems, but it sure cuts off any potential discussions.

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    6. My answer too! Among my closest friends (of which I guess all y'all are now) I reveal that my husband and I are exact opposites when it comes to religious beliefs: he's an firm atheist (he KNOWS that what he believes is true, and he believes it aggressively!), and I'm an apathetic agnostic (don't know, don't care).

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