Saturday, May 18, 2019

On Having A Heart

6-wk-old fetus--oh wait, this is a pepper sprout.
Aww, man. Georgia just passed a Heartbeat Bill, targeting women who pursue an abortion before six weeks' gestation. And here I just fired off my annual donation to Planned Parenthood. Unfortunately, this puts me in the crosshairs of the Georgia justice system, which might opt to prosecute me for hiring a hit man, and I can only hope they're too busy rigging elections down there to extradite me from Oregon. Odds are good Oregon wouldn't cooperate, but I can always hide in the office of our own governor, who has a uterus but (this being a blue state) is allowed to have opinions anyway.

It's not as though I court trouble, though, so I'm hoping to be able to get on the Georgia uterus registry in the "dried-up" column, because if I were to suddenly begin bleeding profusely from my central nethers, I want to be seen by a local medical professional and not hauled into court in Georgia on suspicion of aborting a potential human being at the stage in which the Legislature believes a fetal heartbeat can be detected, which is to say a few weeks before it has an actual heart, or a face, and several weeks before it develops genitalia sufficient to determine the eventual worth of the child to the State of Georgia. At the grub stage, in other words. Which means they can't yet tell if the bouncing blob of cells is going to grow up to be a Republican senator, or a host body and sperm receptacle.

6-wk-old fetus--oh wait, garbanzo bean.
The heartbeat bill is inconvenient from the standpoint of the woman who is unlikely to know she's pregnant and may not even be glowing yet, but ideal from the standpoint of the grub, who is very near the most valuable stage of its life, gram per gram, in a death-penalty state.

Georgia is to be commended for showing the most concern in the nation for African-American embryos, who are nevertheless advised to come out with picture ID in hand.

Just to be on the safe side, it is suggested that every woman of mandatory child-bearing age in Georgia take the precaution of mailing all used pads and tampons to the State Legislature so they can make sure she hasn't pulled a fast one. No need to go to the trouble of packaging them up, either. After all, you can stick a postage stamp on a coconut.

6-wk fetus--oh wait, beetle larva.
The point of all these bills--Georgia is the fourth this year to pass a "heartbeat bill"--is to send an obviously unconstitutional measure all the way to the U. S. Supreme Court, where newly instated Justice, drunk and sexual predator Brett Kavanaugh is expected to try to redeem his soul by overturning Roe v. Wade.

There may, in fact, be no recourse for women in Georgia, unless they can get some legislation passed that will allow pregnant women two votes, or outlaw anti-life activities such as fellatio. Failing that, they could hold out altogether, and if the senators get lonely they can just go fuck themselves.

Georgia legislators, for their part, insist their measure is not extreme, citing Alabama's newly passed Wet Spot Protection Act. Step away from laundry detergent, little lady.

28 comments:

  1. Actually, this law doesn't go far enough. Not only should they outlaw fellatio, but they should outlaw masturbation as well. After all, sperm -- a potential life! -- is being wasted! Wet dreams, as they are involuntary, should be merely given a hefty fine. Maybe a few days in the brig as well. See how fast they'd backtrack on this "law" then.

    You know, it's funny, but I read that babies are being born at a lower rate for the third year in a row, and that we apparently don't have enough births to "keep the population at the same level." Um... isn't that a good thing? I mean, whatever happened to talk of The Population Explosion, and how it's responsible for most of our current woes? You never hear about it anymore.

    All I know is that there are too many fucking people around, and if you don't believe me, just try to get anywhere on the Blue Route at rush hour. In the case of these "legislators", I would even be a booster for retroactive abortion.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You got that last point from me, didn't you? ;)

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    2. Retroactive abortion, love it!

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  2. Don't forget the grub will develop gills and a tail eventually. Another simple solution would be to give all pubescent boys in Georgia a vasectomy, often reversible, until such time as the get written consent from their chosen incubator to help procreate. Or a mandatory life sentence for masturbation as it is murdering millions of potential grubs, er babies, before they have a chance to have a heartbeat, thereby solving the problem of whatever it is they are trying to solve the problem of.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah--I don't think it solves the problem as THEY see it. "How do you solve a problem like Maria?"

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    2. Heh... kind of a redneck bar mitzvah!

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    3. We could call it a bar snipsvah!

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  3. Actually, the 6-week-old embryo is only 4 weeks new; they start counting the pregnancy at the end of the previous period, approximately two weeks before the woman is fertile again. (Or little girl, as the case may be.)
    Your photos are 'way too far along.

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    Replies
    1. I originally wrote this as "four weeks' gestation" but changed it. I hadn't realized before this week that gestation weeks are counted from the date of the previous period. Which is weird...but there you go. It's a nice pepper photo though, innit?

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  4. These anti-abortion extremists are being hand-fed inflammatory, upsetting, and emotionally abusive nonsense science, in a very successful and ages-long program to keep Americans divided. It is astonishing how well it works. I saw one Twitter comment advising against boycotting these states for that very reason: it only heightens the conflict. Yet I can find myself thinking ill thoughts of every voter in Alabama. Their hypocrisy is staggering.

    And yet again...are the voters of Alabama being allowed to vote?

    The scope of the control that Republicans wield is truly mind-blowing.

    Today in the news there is one GOP representative who has publicly called for impeachment. May the leakage begin. Until then, birth control for everybody.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I saw that! Wow! Didn't think it was possible. Yes. Birth control should be free.

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  5. Next time you think you feel an earthquake, take a look outside, it may simply be thousands of women stampeding their way out of Georgia.
    I looked up my old "A Child is Born" book to remind myself what a six week fetus actually looks like.

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  6. Here in KY, the hideous rethug governor just tried to push through a heartbeat bill, only to be thwarted by a judge who declared it stupid. My state rep, who's also a nurse, keeps introducing wonderful parody bills, as seen below. While unmentioned in the article, her Viagra bill required men to bring a note from their wives before being prescribed.

    https://www.kentucky.com/news/politics-government/article196345904.html

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  7. Disgusting and discouraging development in another red State...:(

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    Replies
    1. I'd bet even money a majority of the men promoting these bills don't personally care about abortion at all. They just want a reliable segment of committed voters to support them so they can continue to plunder the country.

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  8. "...genitalia sufficient to determine the eventual worth of the child to the State of Georgia" This about sums it up. Just use interchangeable state names as needed. Great post, Murr.

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    Replies
    1. Thanks. And that list of state names is growing.

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    2. "eventual worth of the child"?
      I'm speechless.

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  9. What if no one challenges these stupid laws - just let them sit on the books til after the 2020. Who know - maybe unintended consequences could come to light. Why give them a platform to harangue? Surely an above-ground 'railroad' would develop among enlightened people to help those in need get to where they could safely have a procedure.

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    Replies
    1. When this first became personal for me, I could have had a friend drive me to New York; I think that was my only option.

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  10. My oldest daughter donates several times a year, from the proceeds of her stitching-related craft. She does all of them in Mike Pence's name.

    I have colleagues from the past who have grown a embryo with a heartbeat in a petri dish.

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