Saturday, December 2, 2017

We Heard It From On High

Fake news angel. Angels aren't girls.
Did you know Angelology is a thing? The study of angels? I'm going to admit right up front: I suspicioned that, stacked up against the other sciences, it might lack rigor. But I was wrong. It's got rigor out the wazoo.

My primary source is an article by a gentleman who graduated from seminary school fifty years ago, became a pastor, died, and went home to be with the Lord, so he's got credentials. Dr. Keathley pointed out that just as there are many forms of life lower than Us, we should expect that there are forms superior to us, if not quite as fancy as God. If there was nothing between us and God, that would be like a vacuum. In space. Which would be silly. So dollars to doughnuts it's filled up with angels.

Not only that, but almost all of the heathen mythologies posit the existence of lesser deities. We generally ignore heathen mythologies, but they had to have gotten the idea from somewhere, even if they got everything else wrong, like God's first name.

But the possibility of angels becomes a certainty when we realize that the Bible told us so. Because the Bible is God's word. We know this because God himself told us, and God wouldn't lie outright, although he was not above messing with Job just for fun. Even the weird bits in the Bible that contradict each other are proof that it must be God's word, on account of He is mysterious. Slam dunk, in the can, mortal lock, shut the front door.

As supporting evidence for the existence of angels, we can start with the fact that God is Spirit; and there's a material kingdom, and an animal kingdom, and a human kingdom, so it stands to reason--I believe it's reason it stands to--that there is a spiritual kingdom also, with angels in it. (Dr. Keathley leaves out the viral kingdom and the phlegmish kingdom but those should remain below us, unless there is a terrible reckoning down the line.) Also there is the undisputed fact that a significant portion of Americans believe they have felt the presence of one or more angels, although not as many as believe in aliens and trickle-down economics.

Now THIS is an angel.
What a lot of people don't know is that eventually, if we play our cards right, we will surpass the angels and even be in a position to judge them, and wouldn't that be awesome. Our ace in the hole is that we were created in the image of God and the angels weren't. Yes, we just learned the angels are not physical but spiritual just like God, but if God weren't spirit he'd totally look like us. So once we're redeemed, we'll slide right by them into the end zone and score. Nanner nanner, angels.

I'm willing to go along with this up to a point, even the biblical fact that angels were created before the earth (so, over 6,000 years ago), but when humans arrange that convenient end run around the angels I surmise God's Word has undergone some editing. This is a suspiciously fine result for ourselves. I'm not anticipating it myself. I don't suppose if anyone were to redeem me they'd even get so much as a toaster out of the deal.

54 comments:

  1. It amuses and frustrates me, on the rare occasions when I actually answer the door to the Jehovah's Witnesses, that their answer to everything I say is "because it's in the Bible."

    JW: Hello! Do you believe in life after death?

    Mimi: I don't know what happens after we die, and neither do you, even though you people think you do.

    JW: We know because the Bible tells us...

    Mimi: The bible is just a book, written by fallible humans, just like The Lord of the Rings, Watership Down, or The Art of the Deal.

    JW: Yes, but the humans were inspired by God, so it is the word of God....

    Mimi: We'll have to agree to disagree. Have a good day....

    I don't know why I bother, except that sometimes you just want to lock horns with someone, you know? Better them than a family member.

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    1. I actually like them folks. Maybe it's just the ones who come here. They drop by once a year or so just to see if I've gotten salvageable. I ask them all sorts of questions and they're so earnest and cheerful. We always part smiling. Bye! See ya next year!

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    2. I knew a woman at the Med School, our office manager, who was a JW. She was really sharp and smart and only once approached me about religion outside of our work environment. She and I talked about 20 minutes, both of us learning that our differences were just a matter of one's definition of 'faith.' We never spoke about faith at work. She and her sister were 2 of my favorite people from JC, TN.

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    3. I'm endlessly fascinated by what people believe.

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  2. The angels I like are the ones we have heard on high, sweetly singing o'er the plains; and the mountains in reply, echoing their joyous strains.Those ones. Pretty sweet. Music written and performed by humans.

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    1. That was my favorite when I was little. The music is still my favorite part of church. The tuna hot dish in the basement comes in way below the music.

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  3. Aw hell, Murr, you’re worth at least a toaster. Maybe even a beer fridge.

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    1. That is the sweetest thing you just said.

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  4. My favorite moment is when religious people assert that their religion is the correct one. Or when they laugh at the "absurdity" of an ancient religion, because clearly those people were just afraid of the dark.

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    1. There are around 4,000 religions in the world. 3,999 of them worship the wrong deity.

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    2. And everyone disagrees about which one is "correct."

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    3. My choice would be whatever the ancient Greeks believed. The notion that gods are having continual spats in which we are collateral damage is so much more realistic. The contortions required to resolve a loving God with the way real people experience life just wear me out.

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  5. I'm still waiting for the 'head of a pin' answer before I make any conclusions.
    However, were I forced to choose a religion, it'd probably be a synagogue, because I like the idea of mortals (Job) arguing with God. "... Why dost thou hide thy face, and count me as thy enemy?"

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    1. I still don't know how many angels are dancing, but I certainly suspect they're doing that kind of hippie-mama twirly dance, although foxtrot would be classier.

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  6. I've got nothing pithy but damn, this was funny. As are your constant commenters, who I've come to adore.

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    1. Is this not the best community here? I treasure you all.

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  7. As usual, so many great lines. I think my favourite today is "Americans believe they have felt the presence of one or more angels, although not as many as believe in aliens and trickle-down economics." lol (And you could replace Americans with just plain "people" and it would still work.)

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    1. Maybe I would feel the presence of an angel or two if I ever got out of my recliner.

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  8. America leads the world in people who believe angels are real, and the number per capita of incarcerated people.

    Yay us.

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    1. Well, prison is good business. Right?

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    2. And a great place to "discover" god and angels, as well.

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  9. I have to agree with Cheryl on both points. Damn funny and damn nice folks.

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    1. We should have a Murrmurrs Commenter rendezvous.

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    2. We could meet somewhere where there are oodles of birds, frogs, salamanders, newts, and all the things that make life work living.

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    3. Mmmmm, I think we have a Murrmurrs Christmas/Holiday Party brewing here....Shall we all meet in the middle? Some place like St. Louis? Or perhaps everyone could agree to splurge on such a 'destination Holiday Party', and converge on Palms Springs, CA??

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    4. Oh, honey! You should know I won't travel voluntarily to a hot place. I'm thinking Minnesota. Or the Yukon.

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  10. We could use some angels in Washington!!

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    1. They might be there already. Remember, if you read your Bible, they ain't all sweetness and light. There be some smitin' going on.

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  11. This is just being reported by Andy Borowitz in The New Yorker. WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Vice-President Mike Pence has requested that Jesus Christ rapture him up before the special counsel Robert Mueller can indict him, a source close to Pence confirmed on Friday.

    Shortly after the former national-security adviser Michael Flynn pleaded guilty to lying to the F.B.I., Pence contacted Jesus to discuss the early rapture proposal, the source said.

    The source characterized Pence’s request to be raptured up as “urgent” but did not indicate whether the Vice-President asked Jesus to rapture up any other senior Administration officials.

    “Some of these people will have to be left behind, for obvious reasons,” the source said. “Jared, for example.”

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    1. I can't tell you how much I'm looking forward to the rapture. More room for us!

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    2. One of my favorite all-time bumper stickers -- After the rapture, can I have your car?

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  12. At Christmas time a lot of people shove a tree up an angel's ass as part of their celebratory decorations. I'm not sure that's considered respectful, but it's a common practice.

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    1. I always assumed they liked it. Of course, you've got to shove it up a fir piece.

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    2. LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!!!

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    3. LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!!!

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    4. LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!!!

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    5. LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!!!

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    6. LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!!!

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  13. I regularly irritate the Bible pushers who infest our campus twice a year, ogling coeds while they hand out copies of the New Testament. They offer me a Bible, and I tell them "No thanks, I don't read much fiction". They are always puzzled enough trying to figure that out so that I can get away before they go to plan B.

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    1. Oh, I love that! I'm going to use that line the next time the JWs ring my doorbell!

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  14. Or you can use the one I adopted from "The River Why" (an excellent read!) by David James Duncan. When they knock on my door, I say, "you're witlesses, aren't you?" They say, "Why, yes, we are!"

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  15. God you're funny.

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  16. While shepherds watched their flocks by night, all seated on the ground, the Angel of the Lord came down...and chased them all around.

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  17. This was too much fun. I'm mainly commenting because a) I have faith in you bunch of chuckleheads, b) an angel seems to have fixed my long-broken Comment As thingy, and c) I want to come to the party. Silly Solstice, ya'll.

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  18. Tis the angel season... Read this on Saturday, and Sunday was a day filled with angel references -- church and then a musical program at the local college. I think the angel-ness stood out to me because I had MurrBlog on the brain! Kim in PA

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  19. I'm surprised you didn't include a photo of Della Reese as one of the angels. As a child I was fascinated/disturbed by the anatomical (im)possibility of wings growing out of shoulder blades. I think I conflated that image with the equally disturbing images of Hindu deities with their multiple arms that I saw in the book of world religions published by Life magazine. (How did all those limbs fit into the socket?)

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  20. Re: JWs. Around here they have information stands (in the park, at a community table in the library lobby). They also leave back issues of Awake! (English and Spanish) on the paperback racks at the train station. I'm the person who refills the paperback racks (it's a library project) and I throw the JW publications away....I think that JW and Seventh-Day Adventists rival one another for intensely-colored illustrations of Bible stories.

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