Wednesday, August 16, 2017

That Clears Things Up


From my correspondence file:

Thank you for contacting us!

Yepzon one,works only in 2G networks that can be connected with Windows Phone 8.1 + NFC -iOS 7.0 or newer +Bluetooth Smart T 4.0) - Android 4.3 or newer + Bluetooth Smart (BT 4.0) + NFC. You can use the device with Bluetooth. Yepzon One has no LED on this device. In Yepzon One has Surface mounted M2M SIM component (MFF2 size standard), not changeable by user.

Please let us know if you have any further questions.

Best regards,
Anmol


Dear Anmol,

(1) Huh?

(2) I have an old 10G flaxon with rotating wankle-satchels. Could that be reconfigured with 14-cubit spatchcocks where the hipbuttons normally insert, or would that cause undue asparagus? I guess I'm worried that the coating might peel off.

(3) Is Anmol your real name?

(4) The W-Series 9-inch springform with stud-mounted rocker arms will not spatulate with only the four-and-a-quarter inch bore unless the quench area is preheated, at least at sea level. Is there an update?

(5) I think I'm in love with that barista with all the consonants in his name, but he doesn't even know I exist.  Everyone says I have a pleasing personality and am fun to be around. I'm 3'7" and love walks on the beach. Should I wear a hat?

(6) I'm told that inefficiencies in oxidative phosphorylation due to leakage of protons across the mitochondrial membrane and slippage of the ATP synthase/proton pump can be mitigated by continuous applied pressure to the clutch and passenger's forearm at the same time, but what if he pulls away?

(7) Re: compatibility issues with 64-bit internal and unsigned applications, I did wipe the SSD by going to Disk Utilities and selecting 512 GB SSD but I still had to change the partition size. Should I try the kind that's quilted for extra softness?

(8) riverrun, past Eve and Adam's, from swerve of shore to bend of bay, brings us by a commodius vicus of recirculation back to Howth Castle and Environs. True or false?

(9) Why does everybody mumble these days?


This post is dedicated to David Gerritsen, whose birthday is today, and who would understand ALL this.

31 comments:

  1. This is why sometimes, when I can't understand instruction manuals because of all the tech-speak a/o jargon, I look for a YouTube video explaining, and more importantly, showing how to do it. My husband even relies on it for showing him how to do work on the cars and plumbing. YouTube can be an amazing resource; it's not all just cat videos.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I get cranky when the show-how video has a long introduction or we need to know the name of the person who's doing it or it goes longer than two minutes. I was a much nicer person when I had to go all the way to the liberry to find out something.

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  2. Oh, those rotating wankle-satchels! Such a nuisance when they get loose and clog the air vents!

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  3. Technobabble is my favorite part of Star Trek: The Next Generation. There are many hilarious outtakes because of it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Never saw Star Trek. Or Star Wars. I really should.

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  4. I've thought that someone (with more time on his/her hands than I have) could write interesting prose poems based on spam email.

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    1. I have a whole file. Starting with the porn link titled "A Noontime In Your Pants."

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  5. I have read that nonsense sentences or fragments make really good passwords---you've provided a treasure trove of them! Thank you!

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    Replies
    1. Now I'm going to get into your bank accounts!

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  6. I thought that everybody knows that! What's the problem?

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    Replies
    1. Right now, you're the problem, smarty face.

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  7. Just this week, my husband is replacing the flux capacitor on the filter in the pool. At least he said he had ordered one, but FedEx hasn't delivered it yet. Maybe if the eclipse crosses the clock tower in town square during a strike of lightning at 10:04:01. Was it AM or PM though? Our town has a digital clock.

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    Replies
    1. That shit hasn't worked since everything went digital. I'm just sayin'.

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  8. Naturally, I had to click the "undue asparagus" link, hoping for more undue asparagus goodness. Alas, I was left wanting for more....

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    Replies
    1. I keep forgetting you can even do that with the tags. Now I need another undue asparagus reference. Hm.

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  9. The thing I think most bothers me about Greek like this is when they don't write proper sentences, so you can even puzzle it out word by word - the resulting words don't string together to make any sense!

    Great comeback to Anmol. If that's his real name :) Hey, maybe you could get a job writing spam emails! You could do it!

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  10. It's a bit unnerving how internally consistent each of these enumerated items actually is. You're basically 3 college credits away from a technical degree.

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    Replies
    1. I think the whole point of jargon is to exclude people. Jargon votes Republican.

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  11. Bahahaha!!! Now I know where all the IT technical manuals come from: You ghost-write them, don't you?

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    Replies
    1. I know someone does. Someone is getting a big fat kick out of himself, somewhere.

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  12. And some folk think I'm a little weird because I creep around my garden looking for spiders...

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    Replies
    1. How else are you going to sneak up on them?

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  13. Sounds like a technical manual mixed with the back of an antacid box.

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  14. I love your questions to Anmol and am waiting with baited breath for their replies. And yes, of course wear a hat (#5).

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  15. You need a 12 year old to explain it all to you.

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    Replies
    1. So much bother rearin' them up though. That IS why we have a rental place next door...

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