Saturday, May 20, 2017

And We're All Out Of Sequels

I don't write about the President much. They say this whole business is comedy gold, easy to mine, and it's not even necessary to dig deep. I could just pick nuggets up off the surface. But I can't bring myself to do it. It's not funny, in the same way insomnia and depression aren't funny. The conditions themselves strip away the humor.

My habit is to make fun of ridiculous situations and people using hyperbole. I point out absurdities by inventing scenarios and dialogue that are just that much more ridiculous than reality. But I can't make up anything stupider than what has already been said or done. In fact, I have never known anyone stupider than this president a minority of us has installed in office. There may not be a dimmer soul. He's got ten neurons in his whole head and even if he could get them all firing at once, they'd still never run into each other. Did the president just say Mussolini was a stand-up guy and if he'd just gotten together with Harriet Tubman, who people are starting to notice big time, they could have straightened out that Norman Conquest, who was a total disaster by the way? Not yet? Three a.m. is coming right up.

I don't expect any improvement, any learning-on-the-job. We're not going to light up Wrigley Field by opening up the refrigerator door in the locker room. I'll reserve my venom for the majority pirate party that, in near unanimity, has decided that the problem with America is that the billionaires don't have enough money. They're making us bend over to scramble for nickels, and while we fight each other over them they're picking our pockets. They'll sell out their own grandchildren for profits, and yours too, but hey, yours? They're your responsibility. You feel so strongly about their future, you go buy everyone solar panels and bicycles with the money you save on not having health insurance, you whining freeloaders.

Meanwhile here we all are in the back seat, belted in tight, and the wind is whipping in our hair, we're going faster and faster, and suddenly we look up and realize Thelma and Louise are at the wheel. But it's not Thelma and Louise, not really. They're a whole lot smarter. And they know what they're up to. They're even holding out the possibility of a sequel. Whoever has his foot on the gas now doesn't have a clue. When the ground drops away, he's going to repeal Gravity. It'll be easy. Believe him.

35 comments:

  1. Every once in a while, when my husband has the radio on, I hear the phrase "President Trump", and for a nanosecond I wonder if I have slipped into Bizzaro World. How do I get back into my own universe? This one may sound funny on paper, but it's scary.

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    1. I don't think I've said those two words out loud yet. I really don't.

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  2. I cannot - will not - speak his damned name with any kind of honorific or title attached to it. Or speak it at all if I can possibly avoid it.

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    1. It's the pure horror of those first few weeks, waking up in the middle of the night thinking "Pres...T..." and breaking out in a sweat--that seems to be why not saying it out loud feels like an act of self-preservation.

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  3. You know those comments online which have taken over most newspapers, the comments posted by illiterate angry people who sit there like trolls making comments about "lefttards" or "snowflakes"? These are the orcs who have made Washington into Mordor, who have elected this party of monsters. Stand firm, good Amurcan people. This ain't you, babe.

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    1. It ain't. We gots aerial pictures of our pink-hatted masses.

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  4. I may stay in Canada. We have a guest room and a big yard. Y'all come up.

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    1. I have dibs. You don't know me but I'm desperate ;-)

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    2. In your shoes, I'd feel the same.

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    3. Wait a minute--am I dealing with two invites here? [hope hope]

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  5. I'm careful to write his name out, with title, properly, as my own little resistance to the incivility he's championed. I don't believe I've actually brought myself to say it out loud, but that's my business.

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  6. It's terrifying, and infuriating, and, and... I don't really have any words. Sigh.

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    1. But you have a vote, baby, and maybe you have a phone and email and you can be making yourself heard--are you in a swing state?

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  7. It's gotten so bad that I'm mistaking reality for satire. Very terrifying.

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    1. If I'd written a novel with this main character, no one would have believed it.

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  8. I call him the "so-called president." This is in reference to his having called Honorable James L. Robart a "so-called judge."

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  9. I am somewhat hopeful about Mueller's appointment. It's the first positive news in awhile.

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    1. Right. I'm not personally familiar, but he sounds like he might be just the ticket. Do you know how many people have to be caught in the net before we get to someone good in the succession?

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    2. Pence is T's insurance against impeachment.

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    3. Not that I think for one minute he thought of it that way. But Pence might be in too deep too. Which leaves us...oh dear...and then...and what has happened that Orrin Hatch is starting to look good?

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  10. You're right. It isn't at all funny. Thank you for saying it.

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    1. Still, I have to laugh. I have to. So I promise you more of the standard nonsense next Wednesday.

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  11. I am beyond incomprehension that so many millions of my fellow citizens hate their lives, their governments, and their people so much that they actually voted him into office. On rare days, I feel sympathy and compassion for Trump voters. On rarer days, I can find the humor in it. I like yours a lot, and this one. https://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/compost/wp/2017/05/12/this-is-not-a-crisis-republicans-say-as-a-large-spider-slowly-devours-them/

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    1. Ha! (What has she got against spiders?)

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  12. I am still thinking I ended up in the Twilight Zone since trump (refuse to capitalize his name) won and want the episode to end with him eaten by an alien...or a bunch of starving supporters of his!

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    1. You have the makings of short story there--get on it.

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  13. I call him/it Agent Orange. A soulless, evil lump of inhumanity. As is the entire GOP.

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    1. At this point I have nothing but contempt for the GOP. They're right about everything--in Oppositeville.

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  14. Last year I decided to became a citizen after living half of my life in this country. Not only I felt it was time but knew my vote was needed. Sadly, paperwork didn't move as fast as usual (still on process as today's date) and I couldn't vote. To feel better I like to think the reason why I still have no news is because immigration offices got overwhelmed with an unusual number of petitions of people like me who just wanted to contribute to a better future for all.

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    1. I'm almost surprised people want in, now...but we need you!

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    2. A friend of mine just became a citizen; it took a solid year from applying to finally making it. Maybe not enough personnel because of the hiring freeze?

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    3. If only the rest of us knew as much about America and civics as new citizens do.

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