Saturday, February 14, 2015

Look At The Articles On That One


You've heard about the Sun tabloid kerfuffle. The Sun is one of those British newspapers with giant print and giant celebrity heads on the cover page and maybe a giant headline involving one of the celebrity heads and a hamster. It's popular. For over forty years now it has also featured a girl on Page Three with no top on. A woman girl--not a girl girl.

I don't know if the Page Three girls get paid or are just in it for the exposure. I'd be sorry if they don't get paid even a little, because that would make them no better than writers and musicians, who can't give their stuff away fast enough these days. But, in either case, there seems to be no shortage of willing Page Three girls, and roughly twice that many titties. It's been a working franchise.

Lots of people have been upset about Page Three over the years, because it objectifies women. So when The Sun suddenly up and stuffed a Page Three girl into a bikini recently, it was a huge deal. Feminists declared a victory of sorts. I'm not especially persuaded, myself. If a bikini is that much of an improvement, it's kind of saying that it's all about the nipple. As though nothing would restore a woman's dignity more expeditiously than a nice set of pasties. At any rate, a few days later the bluff was over and the topless Page Three girl was back, winking. It was all a big tease.

Americans are weirdly prudish about sexual displays. We like to keep all that business under the counter where there's no chance anyone will become inured to it. When I started out as a letter carrier, Playboy magazine and its competitors came in a plain brown wrapper so as not to unduly arouse the subscriber's children, or mailman. The plain brown wrapper was open on either end, and proved to be one bit of technology that was easily overcome, even by employees of the Postal Service. At some point I guess enough subscribers complained about their magazines being delivered with the best pages stuck together that they switched over to a sealed black plastic wrap.

America's Finest
This was a sad day in post offices across America. All that the American mailman had left to look forward to was the annual Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition and its coincidental one-day bump in overtime statistics.

As a ploy to sell a guaranteed number of newspapers, though, it's hard to beat the Page Three girl. Our own local newspaper could profit from the idea. They couldn't have any toplessness--this is America, after all--but surely they could rig something up with strategically placed graphics and sidebars. They already have plenty of graphics and sidebars to spare; they use them to keep the news tidbits from bumping into each other and inadvertently forming an in-depth article.

At any rate, although I am surely a feminist, I tend to regard this squabble over the nudity as something of an antique concern. We were pretty upset about the objectification of women in the '70s, particularly in advertising, but things have improved a lot since then. (Now we objectify everybody.) I get more worked up about conditions for women in Africa and the Middle East and stuff like that. Maybe The Sun can come up with a fresh ploy. Mix it up. Maybe on alternate days, page three can feature pictures of moist layer cake. Maybe they can carefully hide two verifiable items in their regular reportage and challenge alert readers to Find The Facts. Or maybe just keep the titties on page three and the dicks on the masthead.

24 comments:

  1. I could never understand all this frothing at the mouth over female toplessness. There are men out there, mowing their lawns without a shirt on, who have WAY bigger tits than I have. And WHY do women have to hide out in a dirty bathroom when in public and they must perform the breast's original function -- feeding a hungry infant? Is it because seeing the breast in it's original capacity might be a buzz-kill for the men? "Oh, dear! It's useful, not merely decorative! Never mind, then!" And why are there bras that advertise themselves as being "complete coverage", as if showing any hint of a nipple would be catastrophic? These are just some of the things about our prudish country that have me shaking my head and rolling my eyes (which actually gives me quite a bit of exercise into the bargain).

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    1. Ditto four, five, and six! Hurray for milk jugs giving milk! In public!

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    2. Well crap. Now I wish I could give milk. I've done a lot of public nudity--does that count?

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    3. Those complete coverage bras were a real blessing when I was teaching barely prepubescent boys. After nursing the second kid, the turkey is permanently ready, if you catch my drift.

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  2. Americans are weird about making body parts sexy and THEN getting prudish.

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    1. Yeah. It's a weird combination! There's probably some kind of religious component.

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  3. I like your "find the facts" challenge. That would be appropriate for most "news"papers, not just the checkout tabloids.

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    1. I heard that. It's dispiriting. What's that I just saw--that Brian Williams stepped down, and now it's time for the entire FOX news team to do likewise?

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  4. So many good lines today, I'd need to quote back to you the whole post. Thanks for the two snorts, one LOL and numerous smiles, Murr!

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  5. I am so impressed that you included a photo f/Cliff Clavin! Let the snorts continue!

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    1. And he's with us! That's our gang, right there. Kind of sad to have a role model like Cliffie but you have to work with what you've got.

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  6. Not sure if it's the page three totty that pulls in the readers or the general mix of sexism, racism, xenophobia, bigotry and screaming headlines. The Sun is depressingly popular whatever the explanation.

    Things have improved on the objectification of women front? Not in Britain, they haven't. I'd say they've got a lot worse. Every female public figure has her appearance ruthlessly dissected, from her facial wrinkles to her over-revealing dresses, while a man's appearance is of little interest, even if it's Bob Geldof at his scruffiest.

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    1. There's a lot to be said for being an old lady. No one is looking at you and you don't give a crap anyway.

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  7. Of far greater concern to thinking readers is that in many places women are still paid less for doing the same work as a man. But I don;t see as many women howling for change there.

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    1. I suppose it's true. In my life I rarely felt I was being held back, and I was too noisy to be ignored!

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  8. A big storm in a D cup. Sorry, couldn't resist.

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  9. I think it's the words we use. Booby sounds diminutive, awkward, undignified. Perhaps we should call them Shermans, or Panzers (tanks for the mammaries.)

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    1. Panzers! That's got a ring to it. I'm going to start calling mine Floppy and Plumb-Bob.

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  10. Those page three girls, sorry, women, have been there forever, they're a staple of the paper. Most people buy the Sun specifically to see them. If other people have objections to seeing them, then don't buy that paper is all I can say. it's not as if those women were being forced to pose topless, they do it voluntarily and hopefully get paid a little.

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  11. I always wondered why people bought those. Now I know. Thank you for your informative article for now I shall be able to go through the rest of my life knowing that it's the page three titties everyone wants to know about.

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