Saturday, July 19, 2014

Camel Spit, And You


There's been an important advisory out about Middle East Respiratory Syndrome, which is pronounced "murrs," but is not endorsed by me in any way. It's a serious illness, made all the worse because it is new, and thus we have no idea just exactly how many of us it can take out, if it gets to galloping. Lots of these new diseases make the leap to humans from some other critter and discover that our respiratory passages are the viral Promised Land and they can dine on the snot equivalent of milk and honey until their host drops dead.

Research indicates that the virus might have originated in Egyptian tomb bats, which is super cool. We all have to go sometime, and there's a lot more cachet associated with being hit by a mummy's curse than by a bus. More recently, researchers have been fingering camels, which is not a recommended practice. In fact, the important advisory specifically states that we should refrain from showing camels any overt affection. Evidently, camel-kissing is a thing.

from Trousering Your Weasel.
Without a doubt this practice will be widely ridiculed in this country, but that's because we're cowboys, and also racists. This kind of attitude goes back a long way. For instance, in the pioneer days, cattlemen used to sneer at people who brought in sheep. Hah! Shepherds, they snorted, were obviously too short to take care of cows. As it were.

Not that people in the Middle East are any more sensible. They believe something very important to them has been taken away. There's been a positive outbreak of public camel-kissing since the advisory went into effect. Probably, the advisory should be more general. Camels are pretty famous for spitting. And just like the rest of us, they have other secretions. Perhaps, for the time being, people should be encouraged to cut down from two humps to one, and see how that goes.

I'm always leery of these medical pronouncements anyway. They tend to be sort of glib; like, sure, you can virtually eliminate your chances for alcoholism by not drinking. But what if they change their mind about that later, and you've missed all that beer? Still, I would feel relatively safe from MERS if only because we don't have a lot of camels around here. Unfortunately, it only takes one camel-kisser boarding a jet and suddenly that virus has a ticket to everywhere.
from Trousering Your Weasel.

That's the thing. You can only protect yourself so much in a world saturated with people. You might have lived your whole life on a low island in a simple and sustainable way, but the rest of us carbon-belchers are going to see to it that you drown anyway.

32 comments:

  1. No less of an authority than Ayatollah Khomeini has addressed this issue. Kissing camels is apparently not the biggest concern here. I'm surprised they haven't ended up with something considerably more embarrassing than a respiratory disease.

    I don't even want to think about the ancient Egyptians and those tomb bats.

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    1. If you buy a camel, does the step stool come with?

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    2. Some years back, there was a scandal involving racehorses at a track in Ohio. The issue came to light when one of the stable hands presented himself in the local emergency room with what turned out to be a very rare and dangerous venereal disease. Apparently mere kissing wasn't the issue.

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    3. And now the old gray mare taint what she used to be.

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  2. From the picture that you provided, I don't think the camel is really that into him. I think she's just looking for a "sugar daddy". But maybe he's okay with that; he may just be looking for a "trophy camel". Anyway, I hope it all works out for them. Now excuse me while I try to get the number of this really hot ostrich at the zoo....

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    1. You're right. It could just be one of those "arrangements," as it were. Happens all the time.

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  3. Fingering camels!!! Too funny, however imformative. Thanks for the captivating post amd I look forward to reading more.

    Your neighbor,
    James

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    1. Hey James! It was great to meet you. Be advised that if you're planning to sneak in a camel, we'll be able to see it over the fence.

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  4. Heaven forbid that some respiratory disease starts in the pet dog population in North America. I think there's as much dog kissing here as camel kissing in the Middle East.

    Your illustrations are SO good.

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    1. That might be an upside of global warming. We could start a whole new organic architecture using dried dog drool.

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    2. Jewel, bless her moist little heart, drools puddles big enough to drown her enemies in. And I don't think she would stop at respiratory disease. As a cat she doesn't require human involvement either. World domination in a puddle.

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    3. I can relate to Jewel. You could clone me a million times by wringing out my pillow.

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  5. Thanks Murr. And I am very glad that I haven't yet made my first cuppa of the day. I would have wasted it on the computer screen if I had.

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    1. Coffee is good for computer screens. I'm pretty sure.

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  6. I do not plan to do any camel kissing, so am fairly safe. I do kiss my kitties though! Is there such a thing as PURRS???

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  7. I shall stop kissing my cat immediately.
    Believe it or not, I actually ride the bus these days with a tissue against my nose to filter the air I breathe. People look at me funny, thinking I'm afraid of germs, in reality it's just that too many people get on the bus reeking of cigarette smoke or heady perfumes that I'm allergic to. The bonus is breathing less germs from all the coughers and sneezers around me.

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    1. Don't people in Japan routinely wear paper face masks? I seem to have that image in my mind. It's a crowded place.

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    2. I seem to recall the masks are to help filter air pollution. But it must cut down on germs, too.

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    3. Maybe we should just put the masks on the camels.

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  8. When in Tunisia, on the day of our Saharan adventure, I insisted we went early to see the camel hire guy. I mean, you wouldn't want to get an ugly one, would you?

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  9. How about kissing donkeys? In American corporate culture, I understand that is heartily encouraged.

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  10. Never kiss any animals outside of a few humans. My father however had a camel spit on him with no ill effects, or perhaps he carried this fatal disease for the rest of his life.

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    1. I'm not sure I was in the loop as to whether or not my father had camel spit on him. My guess is no.

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  11. Nooo.... You were suppose to ride the camel to the brothel!

    the Ol'Buzzard

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  12. My aunt from Egypt gave me a camel as a toy when I was a little girl and I kissed it many times … actually I do love camels. I collect vintage postcards and have many camel postcards. When I was in Dubai, my friend who has several racing camels told me that apart from being great at racing the milk of the camel is the best for an infant after mother’s milk. I enjoyed your post.

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    1. Camel milk would totally be the best, if only infants were a little taller. Thanks for popping by!

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