Several of you have sent me this photograph. Seems in 1913 you could mail a child, assuming you had correct postage. The child would ride the mail train accompanied by a letter carrier. Could this possibly be true? you asked.
Well sure. It wasn't even that difficult. There's no good way for a child to get lost on a moving train, even the ones that aren't properly wrapped in brown paper and string. That's not to say there weren't challenges. They would not have had benefit of the new peel-and-stick stamps back then. You'd have to carefully tear off the stamps along the perforations and either lick them or apply them to a reliably damp portion of the child. And if the child were to gain weight on the journey, it could come postage-due, running the risk that Grandma might evaluate the item and conclude it wasn't worth the price.
We weren't mailing children when I was a letter carrier, but we certainly carried chickens and crickets and boxes of mealworms and the like. I would think it would be possible to mail a child today as long as it could be crammed into the flat-rate box, but I've never personally delivered one. There was that time I was starting out on a nice walking loop and one of the Menefee kids asked if he could tag along. I said sure. We were just going around the block. He went up all the stairs with me and chirped away about this and that. I didn't realize there was trouble until we rounded the last corner and his mom was yelling his name at the top of her lungs. It probably should have occurred to me that he needed to ask her permission first, but it didn't. Hell, he was ten years old. Or maybe three, I'm not good at that.
But what could she expect? I'm a youngest-child baby-boomer with no kids of my own. I have no experience with this at all. Our mommies used to broom us out the back door first thing in the morning and tell us to stay away until it was time for our maintenance kibble. Nobody knew or much cared where we were. We had a few instructions--don't run with scissors, don't stick your butter knife in the toaster--and those were expected to hold us until we reached adulthood. There was also "don't take candy from strangers," but we didn't know any strangers.
Mrs. Menefee was too relieved to be upset with me, although she probably had a right to be. But shoot. The kid had to make do with a tiny back yard and a driveway and that was it. There were a bunch of brothers and sisters so the odds (I thought) of anyone noticing he was missing seemed low. Really, she's lucky I didn't let him slide around in the back of my Jeep, or bring him back stuffed with Wonder Bread and marshmallow salad. And make him do straight-leg sit-ups.
Heck. He got a whole round trip, with no postage.
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But can you mail an adult? I'd seriously consider this option for my next vacation. Since postage is a flat rate for anywhere in the country, it might well be cheaper than airfare to, say, New York. And with TSA theatrics, flight delays, ever-shrinking seats (and ever-expanding adjacent passengers), regular air travel can no longer claim to be more comfortable or dignified than priority mail. The Post Office probably wouldn't even bitch about the size of my carry-on, as long as I had the stamps for it.
ReplyDeleteHow big IS your carry-on, sir?
DeleteYou can mail an inflatable adult, or so I have been told.
DeleteOh, I laughed to think of mailing a baby. This isn't real, though, is it? There's that whole diaper thing to consider. :-)
ReplyDeleteIt's real. A four-year-old girl was mailed for 53 cents. That was when 53 cents was real money, though.
DeleteOh, and yes, I got the Monty Python reference.
ReplyDeleteBless you.
DeleteMy kid would definitely go UPS or FedEx. Bigger boxes, room for snacks and favorite stuffed animal. Grandma, here I come!
ReplyDeleteThe bigger the box, the more likelihood of mayhem. Think of that. Cram 'em in, I say.
DeleteAs long as they're mailing them anywhere but here. I don't do well with "reliably damp".
ReplyDeleteYeah, see, what you said.
DeleteCan you imagine thousands of people mailing kids -- a postperson would be lucky to only have one per mailbag!
ReplyDeleteThose little packages always mess up the satchel and make the magazines go haywire. It would be a nightmare. Also, it would be like when you're delivering one of those singing birthday cards that goes off all day long. Nightmare, I'm telling you.
DeleteWith our recent increases in postage in Canada, it would be cheaper to fly 'em!
ReplyDeleteYou too? We're getting near a half-dollar per letter now. My Christmas Card list is getting out of hand.
DeleteWell, it does say that they were accompanied by a letter carrier. That might not have worked so well if the letter carrier had been you, but it's not really all that different from sending an "unaccompanied minor" on a plane trip, and with a much greater chance that they'd get there on time and with their luggage.
ReplyDeleteOh, I think you could trust a letter carrier to see a child to its correct destination, but it might be a little soiled and smell like pepperoni sticks and beer.
DeleteIf only I could mail my teenager away for a long weekend!
ReplyDeleteAlso - this part cracked me up:
"she's lucky I didn't let him slide around in the back of my Jeep, or bring him back stuffed with Wonder Bread and marshmallow salad. And make him do straight-leg sit-ups"
Yes, she IS lucky! lolz
It would've done him a world of good.
DeleteDrop one of those in my box and it will be marked"return to sender"
ReplyDeleteAnd then we, as the letter carriers, have to decide whether to mark it "Unknown," Undeliverable As Addressed," or "Refused." Or in this case, "Refuse."
DeleteYou could have charged a child care fee for your services for educating/training the little leaky ankle-biter.
ReplyDeleteI should probably settle for just not being arrested for abduction.
DeleteBetween about 1945 and 1950, on my grandma's street, little boys (my brothers!) hopped on the milk wagon and rode to the end of the dead end street and back. Or ran behind the wagon and tried to collect stray ice chips. And, the wagon was drawn by a horse, and the street was (still is) cobbled. Cleveland Ohio, west side.
ReplyDeleteYou have made us all pine for things we didn't even do.
DeleteI tried to write about this, but you did so much better. It amazes and amuses me that this was possible. I understand that at least in the not-so-distant past (and maybe currently?) a pumpkin could be sent-unwrapped-through the mail. Of course the correct postage would need to be affixed.
ReplyDeleteHuh. I know we used to get coconuts sent through the mail pretty often, with pretty stamps all over them, so that wasn't TOO long ago, but who knows? They might be all tight-ass about it now. Any current employees care to weigh in about that?
DeleteI wonder if a husband could be mailed back if one certified he was a mama's boy. I could even send affidavits.
ReplyDeleteGive it a shot. If his barcode gets smeared up, he could make loops for years. Then "lost in the mail" will be just another euphemism for dying.
DeleteI delivered four children but it was a heck of a squeeze getting them through the...ummm...mail slot.
ReplyDeleteI remember reading about children being put on planes alone with a tag tied to their coats and someone would (hopefully) pick them up at the other end of the journey.
My daughter occasionally threatens to mail one of her children to me. Doesn't work as a threat because I'd love to have them, and for them? I spoil them rotten so it's a win/win/win all the way around. I'll let her know it used to be possible.
ReplyDeleteWhere we once lived, our neighbor's young boy used to get on a skateboard and hold on to the rear bumper of the mail truck and ride along, until the mail carrier realized he was there. And told on him!
If they gained weight, they might arrive postage due... LOL! Only you could come up with that gem.
ReplyDeleteThere should be a child exchange: if you don't like yours - trade him for another one or receive credit that could be exchanged for air miles.
ReplyDeletethe Ol'Buzzard