Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Looky Here!

You want this
It's an exciting day here at Murrmurrs, Inc. Champagne corks are ricocheting off the blogroll. Confetti is piling into drifts on the comment section. A knitting blog has registered a complaint about the noise. We have a book!

Strange business, running a blog, keeping it lubed and fibered-up and regular in output. It's a strange business especially in that it's pretty much income-free and yet it cannot be deducted as a charitable contribution. Why does anyone blog, anyway? So many reasons. Maybe we have opinions that must be expressed before they become impacted and begin to fester. Maybe we have made some socks, and have pictures to prove it. We might have a cat that we're pretty sure the world wants to look at.

But for me, here at Murrmurrs, Inc., the blog is the place to pin down my thoughts as they pass through my brain before they shoot out again. And that's getting more and more important all the time as my brain becomes more ventilated.  Most days, it's downright drafty in there. No one's figured out a way to caulk up the leaks, so the best we can do is net those thoughts and spraddle them out on the blog like dead insects, where we can sit back and admire them. Otherwise they're lost forever. It works pretty good. I can dip back into the archives and read things I don't remember writing, but there they are.

It's a real fatty.
I'm not much of a businessman. I am supposed to be aggressive about sending my efforts to magazines and getting published, but I'm only good for about a one-week spurt of that a year. I've written one humor book and two novels since I retired from the post office in 2008, but the magic publishing fairy has not dropped in to have a look at those either. I did pop off a half-dozen queries to literary agents about my first novel, but then I got an idea for a second novel, and it's so much more fun to write a novel than a query letter that I did that instead. As a result, I have a lot of what is called "content," but not really so much of a business, in spite of the fact that I might have mentioned to the Internal Revenue Service that I did. And one of these years, they're going to want to see some evidence of income.

Murrmade Productions: Powered by Pootie.
So in response to the clamor (I believe two people constitute a clamor), I have assembled seventy of my most snortworthy essays in a book, Trousering Your Weasel. Why would anyone read a book containing material they can read for free? Several reasons. One, no one ever digs back into the archives. Two, it's a way of saying "thanks for all the free crap, Murr." Three, the book that most of you currently have on your toilet tank has gotten all speckly and damp and needs to be incinerated and replaced. Four, some people might be interested in keeping the author out of trouble with the IRS.

And they make great gifts for those friends and relatives who have ignored your recommendation to read this blog. "I don't do blogs," they say. These people fall into two categories:

(1) They don't know what a blog is or what you do with one, and the whole suggestion makes them feel stupid and insecure; and

(2) They do know what a blog is, and they have way better things to do.

Both of these kinds of people need this book.

But suppose you have been following Murrmurrs faithfully since 2008, have perfect recall, and don't really care if its author is strung up by the IRS? What's in this book for you?

It's illustrated. Yes, each snortworthy essay comes with its own drawing. And you have definitely not seen these before. From my childhood...



To my growed-up-hood...

Or simply out of my fevered imagination:


You might have noticed a new button up there on the left margin, and if you would like to buy this book, go ahead and have a whack at it. It's also available on amazon, which is your best bet if you need it by Christmas. There are 250 pages of concentrated Murr here, with over seventy illustrations. I hope you love it. 

90 comments:

  1. Blogging can easily become an addiction. I've tried to quit numerous times but keep coming back for more. I mosty do it to convince myself that I'm still alive. Having done a lot of free-lance writing in the past, I feel that blogging is a refreshing change from having to bow to the whims of editors (despite having no monetary rewards).

    Congratulations on your book. It sounds like a winner and the illustrations are great!

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    1. Thanks! You should see the Mr. Potato Head illustration...

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  2. Replies
    1. By golly, Bill, AND dogs, you may very well be the first.

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  3. Well, you never cease to surprise me, Murr. I'm off to take a longer look. :-)

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  4. Amazon says it's available now. So I ordered two. If Amazon is correct, I'll even get them before Christmas.

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    1. Whoa! Excellent. They said 5-7 days. Thanks for checking on that. I updated my post.

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  5. Well!!! A book. A real book!!

    You and I blog for the same reasons.

    I've just ordered your book. I can't wait to read it. Even if it is polished versions of what is available here, I don't come here all the time and yes, I don't go in the archives. I shall await the book and lay in a supply of tasty morsels to snack on while I read.

    Very exciting!

    Pearl

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    1. Oh thank you Pearl, the strange and wonderful. You and I may blog for the same reasons, but you do it every single day, and hit a homer every time. I'm in awe of you. And Liza Bean Bitey.

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  6. Congrats, Murr! Just ordered my copy from Amazon! How exciting!

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    1. Oh boy oh boy. I had a dream where I woke up this morning and there were NO comments here. Yay!

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  7. I'm so excited! Just ordered two from your new button!

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    1. I think you'll love it. I really do. My publisher did such a fine job.

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  8. There's still time for Russian (Orthodox) Christmas giving! Congratulations, Murr! When you do your Southeast Book Tour let me know so I can get my copy autographed.

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    1. Oh, and can you tell us if Dave posed for the cover art?

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    2. Dave has no room in his pants for a weasel. :) Actually, I posed for that one myself. I used the Photobooth feature on my Mac for facial expressions and hand postures and all sorts of things. It's quite a collection of odd photos, I'll tell you. Just the series I did for the illustration of the family opening up a bag of their mom's brains is really something.

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  9. I'm so excited! It's available at Amazon.co.uk -- about to order it as a present to myself!

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    1. Well it's a Christmas miracle, is what it is. And a mighty small planet. Thanks!

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  10. I blog to have something to remember when I've forgotten. Of course, I'm not sure why I'm still blogging because I have enough material to keep myself interested until I die. As long as I have a week's worth, it seems new the next week.

    congratulations on your book. I'm hoping its digital since, as a homeless person, I can only carry one bin of field guides. But, if all else fails, I'll buy a couple of copies for friends and read it first.

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    1. We will be coming out with an e-book version. I love my Kindle; I thought they sounded horrible at first, but I've gone over. This particular book is the kind you keep on your toilet tank or send as gifts so it's maybe better as a physical book, but I promise we'll go digital on you at some point.

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  11. Just ordered one via Amazon---can't wait to read it and of course, congratulations to you!

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    1. Thanks! I do feel all congratulatey inside.

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  12. I have just taken part in creating your new found wealth. Please remember us needy little people when you are living the high life. Will you still keep Dave in the style to which he is accustomed?

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    1. Attaboy. I'm not anticipating enough wealth to change my life. I'm hoping to keep the IRS at bay, though.

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  13. Woot! Not in time for Christmas....but just in time for my birthday!
    Can't wait to see it, read it, and weep it!

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    1. As someone pointed out, it IS available on amazon now, in spite of what amazon led me to believe. And they will ship nice and fast. Personal note--amazon takes a much bigger divot out of the author's stash than the little button up on the left, but they are faster, and most people already have an account. However, if no one's averse to typing out new account information, and doesn't need it by Christmas--button away!

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    2. Now I'm REALLY glad I opted for the button!

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  14. Congratulations, Murr! Hugs and kisses and big book sales!

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  15. Congratulations, Murr! Hugs and kisses and big book sales!

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  16. So proud of you! It's such a chunk! Doesn't that feel divine? I can't believe you and your designer got it done before Christmas. That's extraordinary, as are you. Best of luck with it. I've read it, folks, and it's pretty darn wonderful. And perfectly suited to our multi-tasking lives, where we walk into a room, forget why we're there, spy Murr's book, sit down and read a chapter, then walk into the next room and forget why we're there. xoxoxo jz

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    1. And thank you, Julie, for the magnificent blurb on the back. Man, that sounds like something you'd get burping a baby, doesn't it?

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  17. Oh wow, a real book!! How exciting, Murr. Now in my Amazon.uk basket and waiting until I get back after New Year to take delivery.

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    1. Sure hope the Mayans weren't right, then!

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  18. Now it is my turn to say first time here!

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    1. A Murrmurrs virgin! Brrrrp brrp brrp brrp wheeeee-oh! Congratulations and flatulations. Appreciate you popping in!

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  19. Aright Murr!! Just in time. This is gonna look great on!

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    1. Funny how a handsome man look good in any ole thing he throw on. --Albert the Alligator

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  20. Oh, I'm excited for this! I've maxed out my book-buying budget for this month, but will definitely order (and snort) in January.

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    1. I hope you included the junk whisperer.

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    2. See, Stephanie of the clay baboons? That's what I'm talking about. I kind of remember writing something about a junk whisperer, but I can't think of what my subject was or how to locate that post again. Everything old is new again, when you have short-term memory loss. I do know it's NOT in here.

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    3. Google is my friend:

      http://murrbrewster.blogspot.ca/2012/02/whatever-could-c-stand-for.html

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    4. Oh yeah. The Crotch Caliper! Well, as you can imagine, Google is my friend too. Or more my brain.

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    5. OH man! Thanks, Stephanie! I just went back and re-read that one. Jeezus that was hysterical. And the comments. Okay, that's definitely going in the second book, if there is one.

      Not that anyone asked, but I stayed away from the political pieces in this book. There might be a passing comment here and there, but no rants.

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  21. I bought three. One is going to Canada and one is going to Australia. You international star, you!

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    1. Now I'm just going to get all puffed up. There won't be any living with me. Which is a shame, because I'm hooked on the cooking.

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  22. YAY! I used the button on the left; it worked! I get three copies in time for my birthday and to share with two other people. You rock, and Woo Hoo and Hot Damn and other genteel expressions of delight.

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    1. Happy birthday! I also think Trousering Your Weasel would be an excellent choice for one's maiden aunt. Thank you, thank you!

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  23. Can Dave, big and strong as he is, manage toting you around in that sedan chair all by himself?!

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    1. At his age, he can dang well hire me a cabana boy.

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  24. Congratulations! Nicely done. Just ordered two at Amazon so it will be under the Christmas tree when I get to Florida next week. And one for a friend. Midway through the comments I see there will be a Kindle edition but I need all the illustrations and I need it right away. Great!

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    1. I guess the illustrations will be on Kindle too, but yeah, it's a booky kind of book. Thanks darlin'! Christmas in FLORIDA? That ain't right. Too warm. Santa go "huh huh huh."

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  25. You not only write like this but also draw like that? AND play the pianny! No fair being so multi-talented!!

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    1. No one asks me to sing or dance for them, I'll say that. Or play on their team. Unless it's Boggle.

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  26. I am SO ordering some for Christmas gifts! But first, on a semi-unrelated note....well, it's post-office related. I was at the Lakewood, WA post office where the employees are having WAY too much fun and are highly efficient to boot. I was 17th in line, and why do all the retired people clog up the post office during my lunch hour (I must do a study when I have more time), but I was in and done in 15 minutes!

    One of the clerks had mad line-management skills - he didn't just say "next". Nooooo. He'd yell "Shake & bake! Twist & shout! Turn & burn! Move on up! You snooze and you lose!" And people hustled on up to be next at his window by gum. Everybody was happy, all the clerks, all the customers. It was contagious.

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    1. Oh stories like that make me so happy. Isn't it great when someone in any place of business truly shines? Too bad they don't get any extry recompense. Except for enjoying their jobs more, which ain't bad.

      We retired people clog up the works during your lunch hour because we have no idea what time it is, or on what day.

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  27. Congratulations. And jubilation (mine). You are most assuredly my birthday present to myself.

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    1. I'm starting to sense a number of January birthdays, here!

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  28. Thanks for all the free crap, Murr.

    :)

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    1. HA HA HA HA HA! That's another way of saying it.

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  29. OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD IMUSTHAVEIT!!!! BOOKY BOOK BOOK THING! BY MURR! MUST. BUY. BOOK.

    Those sample illustrations look hilarious, Murr. I love your humor, so I'm certain that I will enjoy this book.

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  30. I certainly intend to buy your book, even though I do look in the archives. Do I understand you also did the illustrations?

    Does your genius never end?

    I also have written a book "Sister Moon and the Night Sky Tiger" and I want to know everything about self-publishing or whatever you did, and become a genius, too. Just like you.

    Please don't stop your blog when you become famous, and Amazon goes viral with your book sales. Please. We need our daily bread. Keeps me up with the world and my inner self.

    Congrats! We all celebrate you and your blog/book!

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    1. Yes my genius ends every evening with the first beer and doesn't fully wake up till after noon the next day, and then a lot of times it's napping or just staring out the window. Hey, I need my blog too. In the extremely remote chance anything I do goes viral, I'll be putting it out there. About every couple weeks I think I've completely run out of ideas, and then a whole flock comes flying in to the rescue. Never would have believed I could keep doing this twice a week, and some people do it EVERY DAY.

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  31. AWESOME! Congratulations - I'm clicking over to buy my copy now. :-)

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  32. Hit the button, ordered two copies for Australia. Congratulations, can't wait to get my hands on the book.

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    1. Hey, I'm headed your way! New Zealand is practically there, right? So proud to think that you folks are trousering weasels down under. As it were.

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  33. Congratulations. It is a long way to Mar'yanivka so I will wait and download the electronic version.

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  34. I am so excited about this! I have loved your blog for several years now and look forward to this collection -- and if I've read them on your blog, I look forward to laughing all over again! Yeah for you.

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  35. Love it! Just put in my order with Amazon and can't wait to get it!

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    1. You'll love the big strapping women who deliver it, too.

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  36. I asked and lo, I shall receive! By the way, please edit your blog to include the fact that you get to pocket more money from button tappers than from Amazon as many may not bother reading through the following responses. Corn-gratulations, Murr.

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    1. At this point I'm just real happy there's a way for people to get it before Christmas! When I set up a real book page somewhere around here, I'll 'splain the options. Which will include getting one autographed.

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  37. The mammography cartoon is a definite hit with me. I swear they want to see how flat they can make the booby and how long you will grit as your eyes water. I think that is why mine sag, not because of old age but because of those machines!!

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    1. You're always surprised to see them re-inflate.

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  38. I got so excited about your book coming out, and ordering a copy immediately, if not sooner, that I totally forgot to post my excited comments here, where it all began! So anyway....I ordered a copy, and the e-mail fairy tells me it has shipped already, and I'm over the moon with excitement! Seriously, Murr, this is a very big thing. I'm so glad you made it into old-style print, by hook or crook (I'm fairly sure there were several crooks involved, no?). Congratulations, lady. I hope you sell a gazillion of 'em.

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  39. Ordered. Now, to see whether it makes it across the border into Canada. Are you legal?

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    1. That whole question makes me nervous! Did I ever tell you about the time we were trying to get back into Montana from Alberta (or whatever the hell province you have in that vicinity) and they made us get out of the car while they searched it and wouldn't let me go to the bathroom? I didn't? It's amazing how being treated like that makes you feel guilty. That, and the pot we had hidden in the dog kibble.

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  40. You are rocking the promotion; everywhere I look these last few days (including my stack of mail that came through the slot today; your still have homies in the force, eh?), I see information about this very cool book. Kudos to you, and may you be able to retire a second time on the impending income.

    That mammogram decoration you post here? It's what my boobs look like even when they're not being squashed by a machine.




    I believe my work here is done.

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    1. I didn't rock THAT much promotion? WTH did you get in your mail slot? Oh, that might be too personal.

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  41. Can't give gold or frankincense? You can still give Murr.

    (Someone had to say it.)

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  42. Rgarding Murr's mammogram comment ("You're always surprised to see them re-inflate")...Even more bizarre...and perhaps in the catagory of TMI..getting a mammogram with implants is REALLY bizarro! They push the implants back into your chest cavity until the they pop out between your shoulder blades and then shove the flabby part that's left into the machine. I TOTALLY freaked out when afterwards they slapped me on the back and they popped back to the front....and ouch. And as an aside, Friends don't let friends get implants!!!!
    Donna
    PS: I bought your book too!

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    1. Oh my. I might have to write about that. I have seen a video on youtube of a woman who can flip her butt implant around inside her so the flat side shows. She was not pleased, I believe.

      Hey cool! Pop over to the Book Page and leave me a comment about it if you want.

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