Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Hurts So Good

Here's what my friend Jim said: "Joe Blair carves out a place in your soul. Too bad it hurts."

You've never seen a book review on this site, and I don't want to start now. So I'll finish now. Joe Blair's first book is for sale. You should buy it. Joe Blair tells the truth better than anyone I know. By The Iowa Sea is a memoir, but genre doesn't matter much to me: if something is well written, that's all I ask of it. You can write about pod people or you can rip bodices, but be sly, be graceful. Choose the right words, and I'm yours. Joe's words take my breath away. They remove the last defenses against understanding his life.

And what's to understand? The facts are these: Joe and Deb married with the usual optimism, assuming that great desires as well as mundane joys would be fulfilled. They had four children. All children rearrange one's future, but their fourth, Michael, stole theirs. Severely autistic, sweet, and infuriating, Michael requires 24-hour care and more love than most people know they have. And he tests that love every day. For Joe, the prospect of an affair presented a glimpse of a less-burdened future, and he found it irresistible. But it's not the end of the story for a man with the habit of truth.

Here's how you know a great writer: his words change you. I don't even know how Joe does it. We were introduced by a mutual friend that at least one of us had never met, on Facebook, through an earlier association with a grand online literary experiment called FieldReport, and--well, as they say, it's complicated. One day Joe posted a link to a piece he had up in the New York Times "Modern Love" column. It staggered me. It was about his son, his almost--almost--unknowable son. Yes, Joe and Deb's future has been derailed by the demands of the boy's care, but their duty goes deeper: someone is living in Michael's body, and they bear the responsibility of learning who it is, because no one else will. This falling tree will make no sound unless they are there to hear it. It takes a lot of love to fend off despair. And there's no guarantee there will be enough of that to go around, for the other children, and for each other.

He doesn't put it this way, of course. He's not fancy. He lays out his hopes, his assumptions, his desires. And then, right next to these, his reality, sliding in so sharp we don't feel it going in. He leaves out the extraneous introspection and the philosophizing, and trusts his reader to inhabit the space between the life he wanted and the life he has. And because we do that work ourselves, we are there.

And because it is reality, it is not without humor. If Joe wasn't funny, he wouldn't have lasted this long. His readers will not be unscathed, but he has mercy on us.

Memoir sometimes makes me cringe. Sometimes the author names names and scatters rage; other times he seems to be working towards absolution by extravagantly blaming himself. Me, I can't write it. I am not willing to own all my truth, let alone tell it. I can express grief over the loss of a well-loved soul, but I am loath to reveal much about the living. It's hard to tell what Joe might leave out--certainly not his doubt, his exasperation, his failures, his infidelity. But instead of cringing, I'm on his side, on the side of his family. Because his aggravation is threaded through with forgiveness. He even forgives his son, who is innocent of malice. Forgiving the innocent may be like cleaning soap, but he does it--must do it--anyway. And every day. Even rarer, he forgives himself.

There's no melodrama in here. This prose is simple, supple, and valiant. Here's one truth: muscles cannot grow stronger without something to resist. And Joe Blair, because he must face his responsibility and his burden, is able to learn how large love can be, in a way that those of us of whom less is asked may never do. That's really something.

I've been proud to have Joe Blair in my skinny blog roll for a while now. If you would like to see why I'm so fervent about him, here's the New York Times essay that shredded my heart. And here's how you can order By The Iowa Sea


We will return to our regularly scheduled snortfest on Saturday.

38 comments:

  1. Murr- You really should start! Best review I've read in a long while. I want to hop right over to Joe's place, read him, and buy his book.

    Can I write about pod people? Can I?!! ;)

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    1. See, there you go. YOU could write about anything.

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  2. I don't even know what to say. Your review and his article, I am left in awe.

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  3. Trying to decide if I could survive reading a whole book by him. It took me three days to recover from the last blog post I read.

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  4. Drat you Murr: I have way too many books in my unread pile already and you have seduced me into lusting after another.

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  5. Thank you for the mini-review and I will check this out. I will willingly accept a recommendation from you.
    Oh, and I once wrote book reviews for a living and you handled the task brilliantly.

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    1. O thank you. I really didn't think I did him justice. I just hoped my general reluctance to do this sort of thing would underscore my admiration for him.

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  6. Wow! he is an amazing writer. Thank you for sharing this information.

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  7. Your blogroll introduced me to Joe and I've been a fan since. Sometimes he pisses me off, mainly because he shows me life from an angle I'd rather not be looking from, and he does it so well it's almost heartbreaking. And, sometimes I fall in love with him. Really good writing can do that to me, and he's really good.

    Thank you for introducing his writing to me.

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  8. Yup, count me as another Joe Blair fan (also introduced by Murr). Haven't gotten my hands on "Iowa Sea" yet, but will soon!

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    1. I love that all my friends love all my friends.

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  9. Well, you sold me with "his words change you." Don't you LOVE when a book can do that to you? I am off to order By The Iowa Sea right now.

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  10. Well done, Murre. No less than Joe deserves. I'm so engaged by his writing and his habit of honesty that I have this dream that he'll be America's next Updike and he and Deb will never have to worry about how to get Michael the care he needs. And that they can go off on their motorcycle again.

    Beautiful job. And thanks for introducing me to him. It's been a gift.

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  11. Oh my, Murr...I am crumbled.

    Oh. my.

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    1. I'm guessing you clicked on the links. And crumbled.

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  12. You could start another blog to do book reviews. I would read all of them and learn much.

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    1. Thank you. I think I'll stick with this here moneymaker and not branch out.

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  13. Words that change you are a Very Good Thing. We get stiff and creaky if we don't ever change any,
    -thing, -attitude, -way of looking at life.

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    1. You are so right, so I will refrain from asking you what words make you stiff.

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  14. Thanks for the recommendation and review. I'll check it out.

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    1. Great. 65 degrees today, Robert, thanks for sending it our way!

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  15. Wonderful recommendation, and a first-class classy review I might add. Thank you.

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  16. It's on it's way! Thanks to you and JZ!

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    1. Have I ever mentioned how much I like your profile picture?

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  17. Change is what's the best part of daily life. I'm always looking to find a new angle on anything legal. This recommendation hits the spot dead on!
    My first born changed everything I had ever dreamt of.
    Can't wait to read this work!

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    1. Somehow, I think you just might not stop at legal.

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  18. Thanks for the review... I look forward to reading the book.... this old special ed teacher is not far from the battles.... I am always amazed at all my lovely parents!

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  19. No more books! No more books. A homeless person with 30 books is 25 books too many. But I had to order this one. I'll just donate it to the local library after all my friends up here at Malheur NWR pass it around.

    Joe,s writing is the most amazing/distressing work I've every read. Thanks for putting me on to him.

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  20. You're welcome. I don't like to save books, myself. I used to hit the library all the time, and now I buy them (because some day I hope someone will buy mine) and pass them on.

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