Saturday, September 4, 2021

Cool, Calm, And Collected



It was a time of innocence. April, 2020. We were checking the latest advice from the CDC; it kept changing, as was to be expected in an unfolding epidemic as experts sought to unravel the means and circumstances of transmission. I made cotton face masks and bought hand sanitizer and worried about bicyclist-breath and whether six feet was enough distance to keep from my fellow potential virus hosts. It was obviously going to be a long haul.

Dave and I were walking home, wearing our cotton masks (his matched his shirt, which can happen if the lady of the house made both the shirt and the mask). An old man was approaching us. He never said a word. But suddenly he looked up and started clawing at his own bare face, and spitting, and glaring. Was he ill? Should we do something?
 
He veered off and kept walking and tossing his arm back at us as if he were throwing out trash, clearly, now, with hostile intent. Dave and I looked at each other, mystified. Could he possibly be upset at our face masks? That was too far-fetched to be true. Maybe he was psychotic. It was puzzling.

A time of innocence.

Now, of course, we know that unthinkable numbers of people are incensed that anyone wears a mask per expert guidance in the face of a public health emergency. Who imagine themselves victims of tyranny and oppression, in a world not lacking examples of actual tyranny and oppression. It's nuts. It's depressing. What is the antidote to the Grumpy Old Man?

Why, I'll tell you.

It's young people. Dave and I have been collecting them for years. Today's young people are the nicest, kindest, smartest, most earnest people you'll ever want to meet. They've been taught from an early age to consider other people's feelings, to go out of their way to not offend, to keep track of preferred pronouns and respect tribal identities. They are fucking adorable.
 
Dave and I don't always come off so well in this group. We're still bantering with the snide remarks and dark humor we were raised on, and don't recognize how offensive we now sound until we get that perplexed, concerned look (are they ill? Should we do something?). But they always give us another chance. They allow themselves to be collected.

So it was nothing new the other evening when the back door opened and in walked a young man who was even taller, thinner, and furrier than Dave. "I'm Ben," he said. "I was coming down the alley and your husband here invited me in." Hi Ben, want a beer? Ben thought he might. He was supposed to meet a friend, but not for another fifteen minutes.

I was making dinner. This was one of those dinners that is supposed to take 22 minutes to make, which it does if your prep cook is your friend Scott, who can turn a whole garden into dice in the time it takes you to scratch your butt. No Scott, though. I was looking at an hour, minimum.

"Do you have another cutting board, and a sharp knife?" Ben asked. I did.

And Ben sat at our kitchen counter and de-kerneled four ears of corn, chopped three zucchinis and a turnip, sliced green beans, stacked a cone of cilantro, and presented it all in five neat heaps of geometric perfection while I labored over an onion and a hand of ginger. Then he was sorry, but he had to go see his friend. It was nice meeting us, he said. We exchanged contact info. Soon an email landed in my box. Please note the effort made to avoid referring to Dave and me as old:
 
It was a pleasure meeting yall and spending that time together. As I age, I get more insight and perspective from those born before me...I'd honestly love to prepare dinner with yall again.
 
A dorable. The Bens of this world, and I've found there is no shortage around here, are the antidote to the Grumpy Old Men of every age. I hope he does feel free to pop by again.
 
I think I could get him to clean our kitchen. 

43 comments:

  1. Last week I had to run over to the local building supply store for a few items that I thought would be 48" long but turned out to be 96" long. I have a 4 door sedan. The young man in the loading dock suggested passing them through the trunk and the little trap door in the back seat which created room to shove long things right through the car to the dashboard.

    I was very impressed that he was able to do this, and said so.

    "My grandma had a Volvo," he explained.


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  2. Murr looks admiringly at her assortment of chopped vegetables. "Who was that furred man?"

    "Hi-yo Silver, awayy!!!"

    I'm sorry, I couldn't resist! But this was still a positive, encouraging read Murr, thanks for sharing. :^)

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    1. Thanks for dropping the William Tell Overture into my head! It could be way worse.

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    2. Yah. My own personal big time persistent earworm is the Colonel Bogie March. Now I've passed it on.

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    3. When all else fails, I can always flush an earworm by thinking of Schubert's Marche Militaire #1. (I suspect Meacham's American Patrol would work as well.)

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  3. Hooray for the Bens of this world. And for those who recognise and celebrate them.

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    1. We are nearly saturated with Bens around here as far as I can tell. It's the only thing that gives me hope.

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  4. Could you please send a few Bens over to my neighborhood?

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  5. I'm going to address the elephant in the room here as far as masking goes. In the beginning, there was no vaccine. I didn't LIKE masking and social distancing, but did it for my own sake. Fast forward to NOW. There is a vaccine. Here in Delaware, you can't swing a dead cat without hitting a sign at a drugstore or pharmacy within a supermarket that advertises free Covid shots -- no appointment necessary. There is no excuse not to get one. Yet compliance in some places is low. Where I am it is higher.

    I have read that if one is fully vaccinated, your chances of coming down with Covid are as minute as winning the lottery. (For the record, I don't play the lottery , because I understand mathematical probability.) So if these anti-vaxxers can't be arsed to save their own lives by getting the vaccine, why the fuck should I be arsed to mask up so that THEY will be safe? Frankly, I think we would all be better off without them. I mask when I go into a place that REQUIRES it (my local farm market, the library.) But if it is merely suggested for everyone... yeah, I'll pass.

    I am just SO fucking tired of these people. I read an editorial today, written by a doctor. His dad, who lives 1000 miles away, called him complaining of increasing chest pains. Son told him to go to emergency room. Dad did... and they were alarmed, but sent him home because they had no room for anyone outside of these non-vaccinated Covid patients. Fortunately, in his case, it turned out okay. This doctor also mentioned a guy with pancreatitis who was turned away for the same reason. He died. Maybe we should triage people differently. If you don't trust Science enough to get the vaccine, then don't come crying to a doctor when you can't fucking breathe. Let the hospital beds be for people who actually have a brain and can use it.

    /rant

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    1. I never stopped masking up in stores. I rather enjoyed not having so much as a cold for the last year! And I am in contact with immunocompromised friends so I don't want to inadvertently infect them with an asymptomatic case. As far as triage goes--that is apparently the case now, in the instances where resources are limited and choices must be made. If there's enough (beds, nurses, etc) to go around, of course, no doctor will fail to treat the unvaccinated.

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    2. Paul and I usually only got maybe ONE cold a year before the Pandemic (and he's a bartender, so has much social interaction.) I only have had two ACTUAL cases of the flu in my life. (Most people, when they say they have the flu, are exaggerating. When you actually have the Flu, you can't get outta bed.) I have no immunocomprimised friends and don't come into contact with children. So I really resent people that can help themselves... and just don't. I'm "up to my gills", as one of your commenters stated before.

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    3. My mask is closer at hand since both my elderly (88 and 90) cousins got Covid despite being vaccinated. I was beginning to relax. If only the unvaxed wore a scarlet letter…

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    4. Yeah, I say mask up, kids. You don't have to like it. Nobody does. And resent all you want, but there are innocents out there who still should be protected.

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    5. As my soon-to-be daughter-in-law said, "Get your mask on or get your ass gone." I agree that when triage becomes necessary, vaccine-refusers should have to go to the end of the line. Another plan with no hope of implementation (which I've heard from nobody else) is the recruitment and deputizing of all available wildlife veterinarians to dart the refusers and anti-vaxxers.

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    6. Jeremy, I had a bit of a fantasy about a Robin Hood-like person doing just that! (I fantasize about vastly different things now than when I was younger....)

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  6. Whither the prep cooks of yesteryear...!

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    1. Mine whithered to Alaska, wherefore I do not ken.

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  7. "We're still bantering with the snide remarks and dark humor we were raised on, and don't recognize how offensive we now sound..." Ow! That *stung*! My son says, "Be nice," When I thought I was just kidding around. Wince.

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    1. Right? I'll routinely make a snide remark and think nothing of it, but the kids have been trained otherwise. You and I can still carp at each other!

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  8. Young folks definitely are more aware of what constitutes offensive terminology. My kids are careful not to be too hard on me, but then again, maybe they see I'm really trying to do better. I don't even know what all I don't know about offensive terms a lot of the time. It's tricky when you have no idea of the origins of some words or phrases you've been hearing (and using) your whole life.

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    1. Good thing I never had kids. I rely HEAVILY on sarcasm. I would undoubtedly make them cry constantly.

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    2. I wasn't referring to sarcasm but to words like "gyp" that are derived from "gypsy" used in a derogatory way.

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    3. Even I, as un-PC as I seem, steer clear of some words and phrases. It's undoubtedly a good thing, but new to me. My entire family was way older (my mom was 42 when I was born) and had vastly different views than people have now. My views were different, but conditioning is sometimes hard to get around.

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  9. Aww, he seems so sweet. I hope he does visit again. I have never met a Ben in my entire life. My youngest was almost named Ben, but he turned out to be a James.

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  10. Reading this again, I realize I need more information. A total stranger walked down your alley and was invited in for a beer, and he helped chop vegetables, and you all had a nice 15 minutes together, and he sent an email after saying thanks. As simple as that. Nothing to it. Just open the door.

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    1. I would NEVER have an open door, nor let a total stranger come in. And I especially would not provide him with a chef's knife. Around here that would be suicide.

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    2. Yup, Susan, that's correct. And except for the vegetable chopping, it's not unusual around here.

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    3. Kinda dazzling. Human trust and kindness. it makes me very happy.

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  11. Thank you for this spot on and delightful post. It is like sorbet. You know that I agree with you (with a fair amount of bias, because I have my own "Ben" as well as my girl, working away at the UN-FAO, trying to solve world hunger.) I love the image of the kitchen prep. I love the cupcakes. I love Dave bringing this energy and life in from the alley. People who still persist in their negative and egocentric rants, to the point of hijacking others blogs in the comments section- not so much. That elephant in the room is making it difficult at times to come by here but I guess goes to prove your point: "We're still bantering with the snide remarks and dark humor we were raised on, and don't recognize how offensive we now sound until we get that perplexed, concerned look (are they ill? Should we do something?) "
    Have a great Sunday, youse two!

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    1. Hey, youse two too! It's sunny and the smoke levels are low and we're not on fire or underwater so I intend to have a great day. (Standards haave shifted.)

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    2. Murr, thank you for your gracious reply. I have always thought that this was more of a conversation than just the gag-inducing "liking' that is prevalent on FaceBook. And so, I converse. With you and with other commenters. A lot of times I agree with you; sometimes I don't. That is not a bad thing. If two people hold exactly the same opinion about everything, then one of them is redundant. I HOPE that you don't consider it "hijacking." I just find that your commenters are more intelligent than the usual suspects, and it is refreshing to me to talk to them. If this is a social media no-no, please let me know, or just limit your followers to people on BlogSpot, and I will miss y'all, but I'll go.

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    3. Open forum here! I occasionally boot the bots but that's it. I do think this is a pretty sharp crew in general.

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  12. Adorable is right. This has been my experience with young people as well. They give me hope.

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  13. Yes, the Young People are Adorable and I Collect them too. I'm sad they will inherit this cocked up World from us tho', so much damage control for them to run behind. I need some to come help me fix dinner and clean, mostly when they show up they offer to do any repairs that The Man can't do anymore, so I Hate to ask too much more of them. But, they sure are handy and gracious, aren't they?

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    1. I didn't create any (or none that passed Go) so we have to borry them.

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  14. I still have my mouth open that you allowed a perfect stranger in your kitchen to use a sharp knife...I have seen many TV murder scenarios that end up not good.

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    1. It's the imperfect strangers you need to watch out for.

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  15. What a lovely encounter! I am vaccinated but still mask since my chances of getting the virus are lessened but not eliminated. I'm often around my widowed 89 year old mother and did have my unvaccinated 15 month old grandson living with me for a few months. So, especially with Delta, I use an abundance of caution and have even upped my game to only KN95s and N95s.

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    1. That's more hardcore than I am. But I think it's because you're a better person.

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