Saturday, April 10, 2021

Can't Touch This


Hey hey! Welcome to my humor blog! Join us on a madcap romp through the world of strange science, fun facts, and human foibles! Now let's talk about abortion!

Oh. We're not supposed to talk about abortion. It's a "touchy" subject, kind of like Hell is "toasty." I just got to thinking about it on account of all the so-called "heartbeat bills" that are getting passed that criminalize abortion at the stage a fetal heartbeat can be detected, or about the time when a woman starts feeling bloaty and crabby for no reason. 

I suspect the whole heartbeat thing has to do with how we romanticize the heart. It's where we imagine love is, it's what we paint on our valentines, it's how young girls dot their i's. Seems like a good place to draw a line, but here's the thing: any line we draw is going to be arbitrary. Even the moment of heartbeat detection depends on what device you use to detect it. Are you bent over a belly with a warm stethoscope, or jamming a wand up a personal area? Is a heartbeat the beat of a heart, or a flickering of electrical activity in a group of cells that aspire to be a heart?

Doesn't really matter. The only thing that we ought to be able to agree on about abortion is that we can't agree on a thing about it. It all depends on what we as individuals believe about human life, and its preciousness or insignificance, and that's personal. Many people abhor the thought of snuffing out even potential human life, and there we're getting into unfathomable territory: the existence of the soul, and the moment of its inception. Is it here, at the eight-cell stage? At the kidney-bean stage? Is any of this obvious? Some people believe it starts with the gleam in the father's eye. That it is sinful to obstruct the safe passage of a raft of sperm cells on its glorious emission.

That's why the one thing that has been proven to dramatically reduce abortion numbers across the board--the provision of free birth control--is still controversial.

Heck, whether you believe in a soul at all is not a given either.

I myself tend to the non-preciousness side of the scale. I think a viable dodo egg is far more valuable than any human blastocyst. It's a supply-and-demand thing in a world choked with people. But that's just me. I also would have no trouble deciding whether to snatch an infant out of a burning building, or twelve jars of unimplanted embryos. No trouble at all.

But here's the other thing I believe about abortion. I believe that there are some politicians who know in their maturely-beating hearts that abortion is a great sin. That is why they got into politics. But I believe there are far, far more politicians who thunder on about abortion, with trembling fingers and quavering voice, and don't actually care at all; might even have underwritten a few. For them, abortion is a lever to move as many voters as possible to their party so they can do what they really care about: assure that the vast wealth of the country remains in the hands of the few.

You might think your legislator is doing the Lord's work, and that's your right, but maybe he's just working you over.

26 comments:

  1. Where some people are concerned, I even believe in retroactive abortion. (And here, I'm giving these very politicians the side-eye.)

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  2. Good point about ambitious career politicians. Most of them would stop at selling their mother, but some wouldn't. You know the ones.

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    1. Matt Gaetz's mother is probably out there right now saying "Please! Sell me!"

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  3. Silly me, I thought all of this was settled 50 years ago. If I was a woman, the last thing I'd want is some frigging politician's hands in my uterus! Christ this country is so effing backward... I'm surprised childbearing women aren't required to wear handmaid dresses.

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    1. Give it time, Sweetie... give it time. If the Left decides "Meh... my vote doesn't count," and stays home AS THEY USUALLY DO, the Right (who go out to vote NO MATTER WHAT) will pick up right where Trump left off.

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    2. Well mimi, if we made voting more accessible then maybe... hahaha! I was kidding, of course!

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    3. And yet, the Left came through at the polls last time, didn't they? Yes they did.

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    4. Yeah, but it's the exception. In '16, everybody thought, "Meh... Trump is a joke! He won't win. Hillary is a shoe-in." And they stayed home. We see what happened. They came out in force THIS time. They may grow complacent again. I swear it's like herding kittens.

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    5. We in Georgia are not growing complacent. We know how to get people out to vote and we're already working on the next election. Speaking as a precinct captain.

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  4. Remember Bob Barr? Made a lot of political hay out of being pro-life but encouraged his soon-to-be ex-wife to get an abortion so he wouldn't be on the hook for child support. The ex said he paid for the procedure and drove her to the clinic. I've no doubt the halls of Congress are full of similar men who speak loudly about being anti-abortion but open their wallets at warp speed as soon as their wives or mistresses announce they're expecting.

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  5. It's pretty obvious that access to birth control, and access to education about birth control, would greatly help reduce abortions. But why do we even count and track and report on abortions? Is that necessary? Is that mandated? Why? By whom? Can it be changed?
    I mean come ON. Leaving the decision privately to women, their partners, families, and doctors would actually solve the whole goddamned issue.

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    1. Well, for us it would. I'm not about to argue with anyone who strongly believes abortion at any stage is murder. I am going to point out that the courting of their vote by the right is a political calculation first and foremost, rather than, in most cases, a moral position.

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  6. My (red) state is passing a heartbeat bill, but they nixed a bill that will let women get six months of birth control at one time. And a religious group in our state doesn't have to provide medical care for sick children even if it will save their lives. So our legislators want no abortion, but it's okay to let kids die in the name of religion. WTF??

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  7. I'm with you on this. Full stop.

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  8. I firmly believe it is a woman's right to choose an abortion if that is what she either wants or needs. All those who tell her she is wrong and should go through the pregnancy and have the baby, are they going to be there and support her though the whole thing? Meanwhile an unwanted child may be born to a woman or teenager who has neither the knowledge or ability to care for and raise it. YES, to abortion. And a YES to prevention of pregnancy too.

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    1. Now that I think of it, I don't know where Americans stand on this issue.

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  9. P.S. the heart of an embryo begins beating when it is just three weeks old, about a week after a woman's period is late, and the embryo is about 1 1/2 or 2mm long. A bit less than 1/8th of an inch.

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  10. As a 63 year old gay man who has lived in Utah for the past 40 years, i have had to consider abortion from time to time. I believe it is entirely a personal decision. I believe it is a thing that belongs to the person. The law as decreed by male bible bangers has no place telling other people what to do. Who gave them the right?

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  11. If they ever succeeded in outlawing abortions they wouldn't be able to fundraise off that issue any more.

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