Saturday, January 4, 2020

Duck! It's Betelgeuse!

The internet is abuzz with rumors of the imminent demise of the star Betelgeuse, but it also claims that illegal immigrants are allowed to vote and Hillary Clinton has people murdered, so I wouldn't get too worked up about the star. The huge bright star has dimmed appreciably in just the last month, however, which could be a precursor to its becoming a supernova, or not.

As awesome as that would be--you'd be able to see it in the daytime--it's probably fruitless to spend the night in a lawn chair waiting for it. You're liable to be chilly, and also disappointed.

Because although Betelgeuse is a big fat red star and is entirely expected to blow up sooner rather than later, "sooner" is a relative term: the human lifetime is not a standard measure for any number of things happening in the universe, no matter how we might feel about it. And besides that, the idea that Betelgeuse is going supernova at all is misleading. As a recent philosopher once put it, it depends on what the meaning of "is" is. If that sucker lights up the sky this month, it really did it in the fourteenth century, and we're only just hearing about it.

Betelgeuse is an Arabic word meaning Orion's Armpit. Orion, the Great Hunter, is the biggest brightest constellation in the sky and viewable from every hemisphere, right where he was installed by Zeus as a favor to a couple of goddesses. In spite of a nice set of nebulas below his belt he is universally assumed to be facing us, which makes Betelgeuse the star at his right shoulder. He is instantly recognizable by his belt and by the line of stars descending from it which we're going to go ahead and call his "sword," and never mind what those goddesses say.

Humans take everything personally. Orion might be a great hunter to some, but in some quarters he's a bison, and elsewhere he's a child's string game, like Cat's Cradle. In any case, even if you see a sword hanging from a belt, how it's hanging is a trick of perspective, because them stars ain't anywhere near each other.

Reminds me of the time we were admiring the view from East Zig Zag Mountain, from which five serviceable volcanoes can be seen, and a young woman asked me what the mountains were. So I told her. Mt. St. Helens on the far left, then Rainier, etc. She thanked me and went back to her picnic rock where I overheard her boyfriend explain that I was full of shit, because Rainier is to the left of Mt. St. Helens.

Which it is, from Portland. But not from East Zig Zag. Mt. St. Helens could have been spewing ash and geologist shrapnel into the air and he still would have called it Rainier, which (he further explained) is much bigger than that little dinky one I pointed out. (It's also fifty miles further away, Idiot Lips.)

So from here we see a nice big great hunter but if you could see the same stars from some other elbow of the galaxy it might totally be Mildred, The Needlepoint Artist. Hope her sore shoulder gets better.

Happy Birthday to my niece Elizabeth!

22 comments:

  1. Ah, yes, Mildred. That's why I didn't understand anything you were saying about Orion. It's not Orion; it's good old Mildred. What would she be if her shoulder flares up.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Whoever interpreted random stars in the sky as gods, bears, and kitchen utensils had WAY more imagination than I do. Okay, maybe the Big Dipper looks like a 3-quart All-Clad saucepan NOW, when there is so much light pollution that we see fewer stars.... But back then, when there were a myriad of stars, surely it must have required serious drugs to see pictures in all of that randomness.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I like living in a city, but I sure wish we could have stars too.

      Delete
  3. Never are my rudimentary "don't mansplain!" muscles more tested than when I refrain from correcting people about Which Mountain That Is.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I feel sorry that such a learned man as yourself must pipe down so as not to be lumped with the patriarchy.

      Delete
  4. Thank you for Mildred. I will laugh every time I see her. Maybe we could name all the Northern Hemisphere constellations for women. The mind is already churning out possibilities.

    ReplyDelete
  5. And here I thought you were posting about a Tim Burton movie :)

    I like the thought of Orion being Mildred instead! Gotta admit, though, the only constellation that makes sense to me is the Big Dipper.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I had to Google the pronunciation to make sure, but apparently it really is pronounced "Beetlejuice!"

      Delete
  6. Orion's scabbard must be a hindrance to some manoeuvres.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I don't look at the stars enough to know where Orion is in my little patch of sky, but I remember Betelguese being the first star name I ever learned and that it was red.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You are right, too. It has gone from being in the top ten brightest stars to somewhere past 20th, just in the last month.

      Delete
  8. I presume Betelgeuse is not just dimmer in the cities that have more pollution and nightlights? Guess that's another point of view thingie.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Also that. No, it's really dimmed! Everywhere!

      Delete
  9. Bbet99 as a trusted online soccer betting site provides a variety of online gambling games and soccer markets from the biggest league to the smallest league. do not forget that there is an Indonesian league which is more livened up to this gambling ball game you can get only at https://bbet99.fun/
    BOLA ONLINE
    Agen Bola
    Taruhan Bola

    ReplyDelete
  10. Hello dear friend's I am Lucy Giroud, from Paris Saint, France. My Contact +33605803296
    How are you and your lovely family.
    I was diagnosis of , systemic lupus erythematosus. And Herpes Simplex 1 and 2 for 9 year, but now I am a living testifer of Dr Ogbeifun natural herbel medicine in which he use in curing me permanently...
    I order two bottles of his herbal product to cure lupus. I take the herbal medication for 14 day's the way he instructed me to be drinking the herbs
    Three tables spoon in the morning and evening after food.
    Dear friend's God Almighty have be using this man Doctor Ogbeifun to help the sick once who is ready to help their selves. Because once you are ready. He will be also ready to help you with his herbal medicine.
    Via... What'sApp: +2348050680253
    Email address: drogbeifunherbalhome1@gmail.com
    Website: https://doctorogbeifun.wixsite.com/drogbeifunherbalho-1
    God bless you all?

    ReplyDelete
  11. I want you, all of you. I want to feel you inside me, deep inside me. I want you to tell me when you’re going to cum, hear you moan my name and fuck me harder. Click here and Check me out i am getting naked here ;)

    ReplyDelete