Wednesday, April 20, 2016

Home Of The Whopper

The employees of a Phoenix Wendy's restaurant were recently tricked into smashing their own windows. A prankster posing as a fireman called them up and told them a dangerous buildup of gas had been detected inside the building and that they must immediately run outside and break all their windows to let it dissipate.

People have no trouble believing that someone could call them on the phone and tell them that something really scary is right inside there with them, and, even though it's invisible--especially because it's invisible--it could kill them. And that the thing to do is destroy everything.

If there's one lesson to be learned, it's that firemen really can't be trusted. And people who look and sound like firemen should be regarded with suspicion, too. In fact if they ever catch these guys, it would be a good idea to kill their entire families, so they think twice the next time. And if your house is on fire, you should call a barista. But you should never ignore your fearful feelings. That would be a YUGE mistake. Yuge. I guarantee you that.

You'd think this sort of trick would be a one-time deal, but no. This has happened several times. The prankster originally just wanted to stir some stuff up, for fun, just to see what he could get away with. But then all his buddies told him how awesome it was, dude, and how awesome he was, and before you know it he's thinking, watch this. I'm going to get ALL the people to smash their windows for no reason, and then I'll run for President, because I'm just that awesome.

It's well known that people are not logical about what scares them. That is why people read text messages on their phones while driving, but are afraid of sharing a restroom with a woman who has suspiciously large hands. That's why people are pretty sure they can tell if someone might be carrying explosives in his underpants just by his facial hair and the shape of his nose.

If you live in a country where your cities have been bombed into powder and your friends have been murdered and you just pulled your bleeding baby out of the rubble and you don't have enough food or water or a home anymore and you're desperate enough to float the whole family in a bathtub across the sea, you've probably got good reason to be scared. If you're scared of those very same people applying for citizenship in the Home Of The Brave? Not so much.

It's ridiculous. I know I would never smash a window if someone told me there was a dangerous buildup of gas in my building. I wouldn't take the time. I'd run like hell. Maybe I'd lock the bathroom doors first, just in case there was a tranny in there. Because that's where they hang out. Odds are a lot of innocent people would be blown up before they were done wiping, but at least the rest of us would be safe.

32 comments:

  1. Good point. A great deal of what seems inexplicable about the world can be explained by the truly awesome levels of stupidity that exist out there.

    In the meantime, anybody who is into hamburgers should avoid Wendy's. If they employ people who are that dumb, God knows what's going on back in the burger-making area.

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    1. Now, now... let's not pick on Wendy's. I'm sure that people are equally dumb in other businesses and establishments. Stupidity seems to be an equal opportunity employer.

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    2. I did encounter some dumb people at the post office. Most of them were in management, which is not a job sensible people want.

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  2. thank you Murr, that was brilliant!

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  3. Point so well made--particularly effective after I just read a post about "howzabout we stand with the people of Kabul?" after a bombing there.

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  4. I don't think any particular country has a monopoly on stupidity, but there does seem to be an awful lot of it in the US of A.Often at quite high levels.And I have a nasty feeling that the Pacific currents may be washing it ashore here...

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    1. I was about to take offense until I realized you meant YOUR end of the Pacific.

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    2. Personally, I'm prepared to blame a lot of the Pacific backwash for coral bleaching.Must be that.If it was due to worn-out ozone layer or climate change the politicians would have fixed it ages ago, right?

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  5. Just opening the doors would have probably been enough to let out the spooky gas. Doing something because a random phone call told you to is a bit on the foolish side. "Hello, General. This is President Obama. Please drop our nuclear arsenal on the Middle East. Thanks. Michelle says 'Hi' to your wife".

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  6. Great post, Murr! I'm currently in the air somewhere between Tucson and Seattle. The guy next to me fits your description, but he seems like a nice enough fellow. All those guys with white headphones, though, sitting all around me, they must be listening to someone from another, bad country.

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    1. Just the same, I'd advise against thinking any thoughts for a while.

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  7. Does this stupidity never end...on both sides, the pranksters and the believers. You have put it into perspective. Live in a poor neighborhood and you have a right to be afraid.

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    1. I think most of us are existentially afraid, and we glom that onto any little thing someone wants to make us afraid of.

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  8. we've got what - 5%, 10%, of human failures. Amazing the damage

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  9. I have watched a show called WORLDS DUMBEST...and you definitely see how dumb people can be! Amazing!

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    1. Not dumb enough to watch that show! Oh, sorry, that came out wrong.

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  10. "Tranny", Murr? Even as humor, I don't think so. Unless you're talking about cars.

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    1. Naw. I'm speaking in my dufus voice. Can't you tell? Oh dear: this is why Randy Newman got in trouble for writing "Short People." (Or everything else he wrote.)

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    2. That razor's edge can be a tricky walk...er, read...which is why I shared it on FB. Separates the Got-its from the Don't-Get-It-So-I'm-Offendeds.

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  11. Home of the Whopper all right.

    And this here website is Home of the Satire, I do believe. Excellent.

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    1. Well, let's say you can't take everything I say to the truth bank and cash it.

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  12. YUGE? That made me chuckle.
    I wouldn't be breaking any windows either. I'd be opening them and the doors, then calling the gas company. While I stayed outside in the fresh air.

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