Here is a man who gets right to the heart of an issue. When he observed that some of his constituents were hopping mad about his opposition to health care reform, he concluded that congressmen should not be expected to take heat without being allowed to pack it, too, right there in the Capitol building. He's not only not going to listen to you, he's willing to put a cap in your ass, and trust me, he's already run it by Jesus. Jesus is cool with that.
His whole website reeks of common sense. To wit: "So if you are oriented sexually toward children or toward animals or corpses, or shoes, or whatever, that's okay." Don't be fooled. He means it's NOT okay, and I agree. That's why I always wear socks.
Or, in his most ringing statement: "It is high time the people of our country started deserving better." Amen, brother, we're already a quarter past rightful and they probably won't even seat us at entitled until intermission. More inspiring words have seldom been inflicted. It's a true call to reaction.
Asked by an interviewer what evidence he had of this dastardly plot, Mr. Gohmert sighed, letting his bandolier out a notch. "Two things. One, you're a Nazi. Two, terror baby purveyors are very sneaky," he confided. "And this is a very sneaky plan. That's your proof right there."
And, America, he's right. It's almost unbelievably sneaky, but there already is a precedent for the degree of foresight required to launch the terror baby plan. One need look no further than the brilliant ploy by Kenyan agents who, in 1959, managed to plant an African newborn in Hawaii, where people are distracted by falling pineapples and rogue chickens, and raise it up to be the President fifty years later. Most people in those days would not have placed much money on a black child accomplishing such a thing, but Eisenhower-era Kenyans took the long view, which is precisely what is lacking in modern America. We can't even get a bullet train built.
This is big-time, long-range thinking, Mr. Gohmert. This is moon-shot material. Some day, because of people with your kind of vision, we may be able to harness the power of Uranus.